Friday, July 5, 2013

The Truth Hurts

We had a very busy Fourth of July yesterday and I hope yours was great too.

I joined my husband and VC for a morning at the swimming hole for the yearly celebration. VC brought along his gf and they frolicked until it was game time, so that he could continue his reign as the "best dive/trick" champion.

Not much for swimming or pools, I hung out on the side in my chair and watched the action, in between nagging him to put on more sunscreen and videotaping his dives.

Later we went to the fireworks celebration in another town. We haaaaaad to get there 4 hours early because this my regimented husband MB insists this must be done. We parked in the same parking lot they always park in, but not in the same row of parking so I had to hear all about the benefits of trying to squeeze into the spot on that row that I did not want to try backing into.

It was a long night. I drove home to the sounds of snores.

I went up to talk to VC at night to encourage him to GET TO BED since it was after one.

It was at that point that I got to hear how he views me as "unhappy" because I didn't go in the pool and merely sat on the side in the shade. He pointed out that I didn't speak to any of the people there. A-hem, maybe because they were all there with their own families and I did not know any of them although there were over 100 people at the pool.

He said that he wonders when I am going to be happy and pondered if there is ever going to be anything that makes me happy.

It is truly sad to hear this from your child. I know I am not the most bubbly person, although I am still very sociable when I need to be.

He has said this over the years in passing (the unhappy part).

And it hurts.

Maybe because it is the truth.


Bethany said...

I'm sorry :( I've had similar things said to me when after a party at my parents (full of people I don't know) I mingle for a bit and then head to a bedroom for a book or movie. People don't seem to understand that the quiet time I'm enjoying makes me happy-- not a huge crowd of 100+ people! I understand :)

Jayne said...

An unsubtle comment from a teenager. I know it hurts but try to let it wash over you as it's maybe an ill thought out attempt at engaging you in some kind of self-analysis and change..

There are a *huge* number of us introverts, sitting on the sidelines and worrying that maybe we are indeed a little odd and maybe need to change. We don't. This is who we are. Some of us don't need 99 friends. Some of us feel happy in our own company. Some of us are observers rather than open participators. The truth is, we are often the instigators of change in society because we see what is *really* happening around us, rather than the 'front' that people like to portray.

I know you love him to pieces but this wasn't the best way to put things and, I think, he hasn't really understood where you're coming from. And like someone wise once said: he's now skippity-doo-dahing along with other stuff and you're left stewing about it. Big hugs to you ... from one (happy) introvert to another.X

Lisa Paul said...

Tell him you are contemplative and Zen and were insuring that everyone's personal space perimeter was not breached. Then tell him to shut up. Because you are the Mom. That's why.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I'm sorry Carma.
He did this from love.
It may be what he thought you needed at that time to make a change if you wanted.

Slamdunk said...

That must be difficult Carma. I am shy by nature and moving to the Northeast (small town no less) a decade ago I have experienced the same things when hanging with the kids.

I remember when I was probably 12 and my mother had to take me to some baseball tournament. I was on a newly formed team and she did not know anyone when we went for pizza after the competition. I remember her apologizing to me for being a wall-flower (at 12 I think having parents hide is the preferred plan), but she said that she was just happy to see me play. Now, I appreciate that so much.

I think we are all different and that is what makes us special--kids will have a better perspective later in life.

LL Cool Joe said...

Hmm I think it's important that a person realises that being happy isn't always the ultimate goal anyway, but also that people have different ways of showing their enjoyment. I don't swim and feel overwhelmed with lots of people around. I too can be sociable but choose not to be. It doesn't mean I'm unhappy it's just a different kind of happiness.

I'd be tempted to just say to your son that it's important to you to be loved and accepted as you are, just as you do the same with him.

But, if you are truly unhappy, then maybe you need to find out why, if you feel you want to change, if not and you are content the way you are, then tell him that. :)

Charlotte Klein said...

Oh, Carma. I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how much that must have hurt, but I hope you don't over analyze and think any deeper about this than need be. You alone know what you are feeling and as someone mentioned earlier, it could be that he's just in that self-analysis stage in life (weren't we all??) where we try to make sense of life, ourselves, and those around us.

The fact that you are always surrounded by so many friends and family members should be a testament to how much love you spread around and how much you are loved by others. So you go to a party and don't socialize. Good lord, I would be branded as the most antisocial butterfly in the world if that were the case :)

Don't stress too much, sugar. Because you? Are pure awesome. XOXO

Mo said...

Kind of sweet that he cares if you are happy or unhappy. I don't like water and my family is always trying to get me to play in the pool. I do love to read and often read all night. It make me happy. My husband can't imagine that reading all night could make me happy but not playing in the pool. lol

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