Saturday, April 30, 2011

It's Gonna Be a Wild Bumpy Ride

It's official. I went to my orientation the other night and I will soon be a forty-something college student. I had a case of major cold feet but moving right along....

I arrived early for the meeting. At that time there were only 4 other students in the room. Three of them were your typical student-types but the fourth was this burly guy with bleached blonde shoulder length hair begging for a trim, wearing a tank top that showed off his tattoo sleeve, shorts and NO SHOES. Odd, but whatever....

The instructor asked if there were two strong guys available to help her move a table into the room - so he volunteered and pranced out with bare feet. I heard her say something to him about it and he replied, "yeah, I've got something in my foot that is workin' it's way out and it hurts for me to wear shoes." Remember, my major is in the medical field. I'll not be going into further specifics because I don't want this blog to be found by my professors. Face recognition software already has me freaking out. As soon as the dude walked out the guy next to me shook his head an burst out laughing, which was rude but you know that's what everyone was thinking...

Eventually the room filled up and I looked around hoping for some more "elder students." Here's the breakdown: 85% cute perky girls in their mid-twenties with pony tails, about 7 guys, and then 4 of us in my age group, including the guy with the tank top and tattoos.

Still formulating a plan to stay awake without napping during the day so that I can compete with these young things...

Here's where it gets funny. We had to walk to the front of the room and sign our names in on the attendance sheet and pick up our huge stack of forms <---- fun, fun!!

Barefoot guy goes to the front of the room immediately to sign in. When I signed in I glanced to the top of the list to see his name written in all caps with this next to it :" "PLEASE CALL ME [a number]" -- I'm not gonna say what number in case that is his official name that he googles or something - but anyway, for purposes of the blog I'll call him Number 5. Seriously, who does that???

We'll be needing to wear tank tops and spandex pants to the lab because she said we will be getting all "touchy feely." Praying that my lab partner is not NUMBER FIVE. :-O

I went and picked up some tank tops last night as well as the white polo shirts we are required to wear as part of our uniform. I will say that I'm really getting into it, specifically the wardrobe part!! The learning part I'm not as excited about...

It remains to be seen if I will be able to buckle down and compete two years of workload at an intense pace.

You've read my blog....It is a wonder that I tested in so easily....

As the instructor was walking around handing out stuff, one of the students, an adorable young girl - could be a model - asks her if she recommends that the she re-take physiology and anatomy because it's been a while since she took it - this girl was all of 23.

And here I am pulling teeth trying to get every last one of my credits from 20+ years ago transferred in. Now those classes are OLD as DIRT but you won't be hearing me asking if I can take any of them over again!!!!

Realizing this little foray back into the educational system will provide me with lots of blog fodder at the very least. Stay tuned to see if I crash and burn.....Everybody loves a train wreck :D

Enjoy this beautiful weekend!!

I'll be boning up on my excel and power point in an attempt to test out of a required computer class. Fingers crossed. I'm no excel whiz.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

This 'N That

Yay!! only 2 days to go until I can go return to my regular TV viewing. I made the mistake of turning on the morning shows while working out this am. CBS had their news chick having a "proper tea" with a hat that seriously resembled a plant with leaves dangling in her face. On NBC they were discussing royal jewels and tiaras and on ABC the talk was of kissing on the royal balcony and one of Diana's bridesmaids was showing her dress from back in '81. The one bright spot was the hotties singing a capella in Trafalgar Square. mmmmmmmmm....

The whole gush-fest is about to break me!!! :-O) And did I read it is costing upwards of $34 MILLION!! Can you imagine the amount of impact that amount of cash would make saving those who are starving/destitute around the world?

Getting down off my soapbox now.

As you may surmise, I'm not so much into the "princess thing." When we were little my sister was gaga over Princess Di and collected all sorts of royal crap. She also had a princess lunchbox. My lunchbox was Charlie Brown. We were very different. Anyway, she got up early to watch the wedding and I *gasp* may have too - although my memory on that is foggy. I saw an article on suggestions on how best to prepare for getting up early on Friday morning. Here's a suggestion: Set an Alarm Clock - this is not rocket science!!!!!

Oh, did you catch The Voice last night? I was pleasantly surprised. The singers were fantastic and Christina Aguilera came across as very sane! Frenchie Davis gets a second shot at a recording career which was kinda sweet. I love a good comeback. Unfortunately the "matron" of the group - at 56 - didn't go over as well. Felt a little sorry for her because just maybe I saw myself in her. Wanting a career but knowing this may be your last shot.

I was almost hoping they would not see the singers appearances at all until they were all picked. That would have been a bigger surprise. Did you watch?

I've always had a soft spot for Adam Levine and he was charming. Still kicking myself that I did not go see his Maroon 5 show when it was literally 2 blocks from my house last year. I made the mistake of asking VC if he wanted to go but he said he didn't like their music and then not two weeks later I caught him jammin' out to their newest song :-( MB would not know Maroon 5 vs. The Backstreet Boys so I would have been on my own.

Tomorrow is my orientation at the college. I'm skeered but hoping that when I get there I will bond with my fellow classmates and it will all be one big lovefest and that I'll have some confidence.

Please send me some positive vibes. I've been a little down in the dumps over it all. I picked up one of those physiology and anatomy pocket sized books to review on the trip. Just to get my mind back in working order. It is incredibly overwhelming. VC figured people would think I was some kind of wacko looking at skulls while they were out sunning, but that's how I roll.....

I've bookmarked this article and am going to look towards this woman as a source of inspiration. Even the comments are very encouraging. She hung in there for 40 semesters - surely I can make 2 years???

I know you are probably wishing I would just shut up about it and get on with things. Me too :D

What's new on your end of the blogosphere?

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="Me and VC in front of our Boat - I'm On a Boat, I'm on a Boat...."]Photobucket[/caption]

Last post I mentioned that I went on my first ever cruise. Here are a few things I learned that may be helpful to you if you are planning on taking a cruise:

(1) It is very easy to overpack. This is not a good idea as the room is the size of a shoebox.

(2) On the other hand, the men in your party may underpack. This will become evident the first night it is time to dress up for dinner. One male may only bring two collared shirts and a pair of slacks with a hole in it.

(3) It is possible to give yourself a concussion before breakfast. If you have a "little one" who is sleeping in the bunk style bed that opens from the side wall, be prepared to bang it at least 3 times while trying to reach your luggage. Then sit down on your bed and impale yourself on the edge of your own headboard.

(4) It is a study in over-indulgence. Kids eat ice cream 24/7. Members of your party can literally gain 12 pounds during the week. I may know somebody who did this.

(5) ****The key to avoiding weight gain = take the stairs whenever possible. You may think this seems obvious, but watch how many people take the elevator while you hop up and down the steps and come home with a loss of .5 lbs despite eating at every meal and having soft-serve yogurt at midnight.

(6) There are zero waste baskets around the cruise. (other than the ones in your room) - this means that people leave cups of ice and other crap in the elevators or in the stairwells which pose a tripping hazard. *I know this makes me sound like an old fuddy duddy, but it's true, we tripped over a glass of ice that was on the bend of a staircase.

(7) People are rude and save entire rows of seats for some of the shows. This will piss you off especially when the row is still completely blocked off and the show has already started. The seat in that row that you had your eye on 20 minutes earlier as the rude oaf told people they could not sit in the row, will eventually be your seat after a little chit chat with the MC :D After the show you will want to make a hasty exit :D to avoid a possible smackdown.

(8) Generic Pepto Bismol costs $4.00 at the medical center. You will find this out after the performer in your party gets violently ill only hours before the Showcase of Stars that he is scheduled to perform in. He will hurl 4 times, writhing in pain on the floor, but manage to rally for the show - put on a stellar performance - and then make a hasty exit (just like in the above scenario) - He will go back to the room satisfied with his performance only to have to hurl one last time :-( But at least he will have the 24K gold plastic cruise ship replica participation trophy to console him....

(9) The amateur performances are likely better than the professional ones!!! You will find this out when you attend the big "spectacular" broadway - like production number the last night and realize the singing is horrible; Be careful to observe the lighted strips marking where the stairs are - or you will scrape up both ankles and your knee as you fall when hurrying to the exit and turning around to assure the person who keeps thinking you are about to sit in the 5 seats she is saving that you are EXITING!!! Yes, the pain in the a$$ seat savers again!!!

(10) Bring along plenty of Dramamine - the "less drowsy" kind. Although the illness referenced above was most likely a "bug" - motion sickness is no big picnic either.

(11) Don't get confused with all the raffle stuff. Bingo is NOT required to win the free cruise raffle. This said after I misinterpreted the directions and wound up having to play a $20 game of Bingo. Biggest waste of time and money - ever. OK, I shouldn't say that and maybe now is a good time to confess that I purchased 30 minutes of internet service for $20 just to do a quick check of emails mid-week. That was a bigger waste of money as the computers were still on Windows 2000 and the internet was slower than dial-up. 30 minutes was barely enough time to log on to my email.

If you really want to keep in touch via computer - be prepared to shell out big bucks. I limited myself to $20.

(12) It is next to impossible to locate your smiling faces in the photos from dinner each night and the visits to the islands. Don't bother and instead poke fun at some of the bad pictures of your fellow cruisers :D

I'll probably come up with another hint or two as I let these thoughts percolate. Let me know if you have any questions. Being a "virgin cruiser" I may not be able to answer it but will give it my best shot.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Deluxe Accommodations

I am back in town after an exhausting Spring Break. How do these college students do it??? Maybe the fact that I am twice the age of a college student, but will soon be a college student may have something to do with my lack of stamina.

Where did we go? On our first ever cruise!!!

When I booked the trip I selected the "room roulette" option, i.e, the option where you do not have an official cabin number assigned. You just hope that there might be an extra suite available that they are looking to fill - yeah, guess I was a little overly optimistic on that one, as you can tell from the sign on the door next to us:

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="384" caption="This Cabin Exudes Classiness"]Photobucket[/caption]

The large sign says, "Knock for sexy males."

As it turns out, we were assigned a cabin on the inner section of the ship, also known as a "closet without windows."

We learned many lessons on our first ever cruise. More to come, but I wanted to pop in to say "hello" and see what my invisible friends are up to.

What'd I miss??

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Carma Crumbs: Bits and Pieces of My Brain Activity

My brain has been firing on all cylinders - which is a good thing as I prep to go back to school. Each of these topics is a post in itself (maybe or maybe not) - but I'm just gonna lay them all out there:

I will be without internet access for a few days and it is making me all jittery like I am some drug addict or something; and you know why? Because I'm wondering - what if I win a prize and I can't respond within the 48 hours - not that I have won a blog prize in months but you just never know!! I think an exception needs to be made for Easter Week, just sayin'. However, this may be the perfect opportunity though to live the life I'll need to start living once my studies begin. I'm having bad withdrawal and questioning my decision already. The old and familiar is so much more comfortable.

Did you ever think you would have been happier living in a different age and time? I saw the above sign at the RenFest and it cracked me up but also made me nostalgic for the era before the internet consumed our lives.

Why is it that when I saw that Jill Zarin from the Real Housewives of NY got her nose done and then I saw a recent pic of Rachel Uchitel with what appears to be a new nose that I was consumed once again with celebrity plastic surgery. I don't even WATCH any of the Real Housewives shows. Nobody has their original nose anymore except me!!!!!!

And then Gwyneth cooking this morning on GMA. She was very robotic - and then I googled to see that it is rumored that she has had extensive facial work done. But she was pretending to be like the rest of us doing cooking - I was watching along until she added the roast duck to the stew. YUCK!! Who eats roast duck on a regular basis? I want to like her. I really do. She is now being dubbed the "Next Martha Stewart" although she denies wanting to have a food empire like that. Oh really?

And NeNe Leakes wants to be the next Oprah?? While I admire her spunk on Celebrity Apprentice, she's NO OPRAH. She can't even pretend to be nice. Anyone who gives poor fragile Latoya a verbal beat down is no Oprah.

And then there's Lindsay Lohan (now known as "Lindsay" - playing Victoria Gotti in the upcoming biopic) - uh, could she look any less Italian? And I'm qualified to say this, being half Italian :D

Why is it that when the idiot swerved out into my lane of traffic almost broadsiding me, that she proceeded to drive at a snail's pace? I don't know about you but if I incredibly pissed someone off by almost killing them, I'd be hustling for sure worried that they might kick my a$$. Luckily we still made it to Free Cone Day on time.

And then there's the garbage truck guy who got pissed at me this morning because I was going to drive by before he returned the cart to the curb, so he gave me a shake of the head. One would think that he would be on the look out for cars and wait until they passed to return the cart to the curb but maybe that's just my ignorance.

Speaking of ignorance, why is it that when we are talking to an acquaintance , for instance when stuck in line outside Free Cone Day at Ben and Jerry's - that I am worried that MB is going to say something stoooopid or that should not be mentioned so I do this nervous laugh the whole time and wish for the line to hurry up.

Why is it that I completely cracked up when an ad for an upcoming show referred to the artist as a "painter and drawer" - seriously, "drawer" - does anybody say that outside of kindergarten students????? It reminds me of some kid show I saw years ago where it said, "my name is Simon and I love to do draaaaawrings."

Why is it that now that we have digital cameras we take 99% more photos of every event resulting in hours putting together the photo album. The photo album time takes longer that the event itself did!!!!!

Many more thoughts but that's enough for now. I'm exhausted. Does this sound like the brain of someone who should be going back to school????

What's going on in your head this week?

Monday, April 11, 2011

How Channing Tatum Learned to Put Down the Toilet Seat & The "Two Stooges"

My life is about to get a lot more challenging (those of you who follow my blog on FB may have heard that I've been accepted to go back to school; I was among the 30 candidates selected!).

I'm in store for a complete lifestyle overhaul which means not stopping to read stories about Channing Tatum on as tempting as they may be. (The title of this post is currently a headline story on I am not kidding) Also gone: staying up really really late and then sleeping late, daytime naps and procrastinating, coddling VC by pampering him with fancy breakfasts in the morning ;-), exercising at about 9:30 am and catching the morning talk shows.) My Gawd, how am I going to be able to handle that, especially since I'm adding commuting downtown to the city in the morning rush hour???

In order that I don't go completely postal, I will need to have a good support team in place.

If only I had more confidence in my support team.

On Thursday I was finishing up at work at which time I received a phone call from home explaining that a pot of oil was left on the stove unattended and that the house was filled with smoke. Woo-hooooo! Just the kind of call I want to receive when I know that I will have to zip home and get VC to track practice.

Here's how it went down. I asked MB earlier in the morning if he could pick up an onion so that I could make spanish rice . I had tried the night before but the last onion had gone bad...

I knew I'd have no time to make it home from work, pick up the onion and cook the rice before having to take VC to track. MB said that he would be able to pick it up and agreed to get the rice started. Super! I would have a relaxing time when I got home from work.

Not so fast!!!

MB called VC on his way home instructing him to start heating up the oil - despite the fact that no vegetables had even been cut up. This was MB's way of hurrying things along so that he would not be late for his one of two skating nights per week.

And you can figure out what happened next. The oil was cooking on high on the stove for who knows how long. Fortunately a lid was in place. The kitchen smoked up and MB rushed the pot outside to see the oil ignite in flames shooting out of the pot.

Yep, there's my support team right there!! This going back to school is going to be a bumpy ride with my crack support team that I am now referring to as the "Two Stooges."

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Warning: Controversial Blogging Opinion Ahead

As I ponder the enigma that is the "Blog Hop" I am left with few thoughts that I'd like to share. It has been a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious week of blog hopping. I've gained several new "followers" and hosted a fab giveaway ;-) but I've gotta say that between the throngs of comments from the newbies, my heart skipped a beat when interspersed in there was a comment or two from a few of my "regulars" - who are anything BUT regular.

It reminded me of the old adage: "Make New Friends, But Keep the Old......."

Because I'm not an idiot. I know that after the flood of "visiting from UBP" comments subsides so will my blog traffic. How many will ever return - even once- to read another fascinating well thought out post ;-) Don't hit me with the cold harsh truth...

Some pointed out that when following them back with Facebook, I would need to follow via my personal page-not my blog page or that it wouldn't "COUNT" numberwise towards their FB "likes." (I do not do that at this time so if you are only following my Facebook for a personal follow back, please don't bother.*) One sweet person went so far as to apologize for following my FB page via her blog page and re-followed with her personal page. You know what, I'm soooooooooo not concerned with numbers. Follow with whatever page you want whether it "COUNTS" or not.

The whole obsession with numbers is what may eventually turn me away from blogging.

I'm here for the relationships ( if I eventually snag an advertiser or four that will be the icing on the cake). And as I embark on the next journey of my life, this here blog and my "tribe" of regulars who return without enticement or promise of follow back, will be the calm amidst the storm.

And if I someday turn into a "numbers person," feel free to bring this post to my attention, at which time I'll deny, deny, deny ;-)

*this applies only to Facebook, in order to maintain some semblance of anonymity. I'm more than happy to give your blog a follow back. And if you are content with a Facebook blog page follow back, you've got it....

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

5 Teaspoons of Pudding for Dinner? You Gotta Be Kidding Me

I had a different post planned for today but then I figured it was time for an update on my TV viewing. As you recall, I watch shows that are NOT hip, young or current.

There I was watching Dr. Oz, my favorite little elf yesterday, and I just about fell off the elliptical when I saw the pitiful portions of food those women who had had the Lap-Band surgery were able to consume post-surgery.

If you didn't see it, one woman's daily food consisted of half a cup of small yogurt, about a cup of broth and half a cup of pudding. WHOA!! That was her daily consumption. For the whole day! (On the plus side, imagine how low her food bills must be!! and if she has coupons!)

I was surprised that the ladies contemplating the surgery were still willing to do it after seeing those abysmal portions.

My food consumption looks much more like the "before." I like food.

Anyway, I was so excited to tell MB about the show, that as he was eating in the kitchen, I shouted in from the office room, "You should have seen the amount of food the people on Dr. Oz ate after their Lap-Band surgery" - at which time he's all "What? Did you say Lap Dance? What about Lap Dancing?"

errrrr....yeah, our minds work a little differently.
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