Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Pamela Anderson - Discuss.

Surprise. Surprise. Pamela was in the bottom two despite dancing well in her first two dances. What gives? Women aren't voting for her because:

(a) they are jealous of her figure
- or-
(b) they think she is a skank* and don't want to vote for a skank*


*used in the best possible sense of the word

Monday, March 29, 2010

Making an Ass of Myself

My day has gone from absolute low (see yesterday's post about the visit today which required practically an entire box of tissues) to delirious high:

On my super top secret Facebook account, it was brought to my attention by a fellow high school classmate that I have been nominated in the category of "Best Ass" on the site for our high school graduating class...

And I was tickled at who nominated me.

I took typing class and sat next to a fellow punk rocker. He had a mohawk and wore a bright orange leather jacket. I had a spiked hair followed by a crew cut - punk earrings and a cropped denim jacket that I wore with the purple Chuck Taylor's I customized myself. To complete the ensemble- a vintage army belt. We were quite the "typing team."

Had no idea he would even remembered me, then I looked on the FB page today and saw this:

Remember that punk rocker girl, Carma? I took typing class just to sit next to her. She had a very underrated ass. I wonder where she is?

Hot dang. Now I'll just need to maintain my ass circa 1980's condition. Oh, the pressure!!!!!

Did not help that I ate 3 dinners last night, complete with burrito and chips at 8:30. Note to self: if I have any chance of winning I must refrain from doing that again tonight :D

Sunday, March 28, 2010

A Mind Is a Terrible Thing

I've written about this before, so if you have something more pressing to do, just mosey on now....but if you happen to have a couple seconds...

Here's the thing. My anxiety officially reached an all-time high this weekend. Yesterday was packed to the gills, and in trying to execute everything "perfectly" as I always try to do. I made a mistake. Again. And you know what that triggers: waking up during the night completely panicked and in a sweat.

In trying to control every possible scenario absolutely perfectly, I am wearing myself down to the core and I simply cannot go on this way. I've been like this since childhood and tried a couple things in the past yet I always think, "awwww...I'm fine. This is perfectly normal" and go back to muddling through on my own, i.e. doing nothing.

Tomorrow I get some help. For reals, this time.

Issues of the mind are still so stigmatized I thought twice before writing about this on my blog, but what is a blog for if not breaking some of the social taboos. If it costs me a reader or two, then it costs me a reader or two.

If you were to meet me in person you would think that I am calm, friendly and absolutely in control of everything. If you could only hear the soundtrack that plays inside my head. I need to shut it down and I need to get some sleep.

(On a more positive note, anxiety is a great way to lose blog bloat. But I do not recommend it.)

I'd love to hear your experiences with anxiety, especially from guys since we never really hear about this type of thing affecting men as much as women.

P.S. I have not been home much, which is why I have been MIA. Will catch up this week. Promise :-)

P.P.S. Talk about lack of creativity. I just referenced my first post on this topic from back in January and it contains some of the same words and phrases!!! May need to issue everyone a refund on this post :D

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Stand in the Place Where You Work

....Now Face West.

R.E.M. was spot-on with those lyrics. And very forward thinking. All my fellow middle aged women bloggers may have heard the big announcement issued by the JAMA on Tuesday-- that in order to MAINTAIN your weight as you enter middle age and beyond you will require ONE HOUR of exercise a day....This is simply to MAINTAIN your weight. NOT TO LOSE WEIGHT!!! UGH.

To repeat one of MB's favorite quotes: No Sh*t Sherlock!!

I could have saved them a lot of time and study money as I recently came to the same conclusion. I've been lucky not to have to really diet per se all these years. But I've noticed that without having changed my eating habits, it is getting harder and harder to maintain my weight.

A lot of this is due to the nasty new habit that I began almost two years ago: BLOGGING!!! There is no question I've become more sedentary than I've ever been in my life. Time spent scurrying around the house cleaning and organizing and walking has been replaced by me sitting down with a blanket and my laptop in my Stressless chair and catching up on blogs in the evening, occasionally accompanied by a salty snack.

Now that I'm working an additional 7 hours a week, that's more time spent on my jello butt. I like to clip out relevant food, exercise, style articles and I recall having come across one stating that you burn plenty more calories when standing. According to what I've read, standing burns around 12 to 30 more calories per hour. Although I've also read that standing for long periods of time leads to more spider veins. GAH, what to do. What to do???? I'll chance it and go with the increased calorie burn. So as I type this I am standing at the counter at my place of work. Every little bit helps.

Feeling the blog bloat* too? I suggest following R.E.M.'s lead and Standing at the Place Where You Work. Either that or lay off blogging. Riiiiiiiggghhhht.

*I was going to call it "blog bulge" until I googled "blog bulge" -- let's just say it was a bit of an eye opener. Lots of bulge (but not of the blogger variety- although I can't be so sure some of those dudes don't have blogs...)

Photo Credit: I Don't Know, Maybe.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Which Reminds Me

of the day back in 1985 that I took a train into the city and waited in a line that snaked around outside Tower Records in NYC for 5 hours waiting to get my shirt autographed by British singer Paul Young.
so hot and smoldering....(just thinking out loud)

♪ ♫ Every time you go a-way...You take a piece of me. With You and Come Back and Stay For Good This Time....♪ ♫

Sound familiar?? nah? I didn't think so. WTH? Can't I ever get an autograph that is worth the paper (or t-shirt) it's written on? I ended up tossing the shirt a few years ago. As you can see - he is not quite the hunk he was back then.

(Like I should talk. Although 1985 was the year of my crew cut - so maybe I do look a little better today!)

Anyhoo, that's 7 hours of my life I won't be getting back. And the scary part was that when the doors opened there was a stampede. Someone towards the end of the line - way around the corner, started pushing and I was practically crushed when the doors opened. Incredibly scary. Imagine. Had I been crushed, this here blog may never have existed!! ;-)

Whose autograph have you got in your possession that makes absolutely no sense in hindsight?

To my British readers: if he is still famous over there and my t-shirt is really worth something, had I kept it, please DO NOT let me know, as that would be just my luck...

P.S. I was going to do a DWTS critique, but I realized that there are many other bloggers covering the show - and better. I'll stick to my forte: lame posts about autographs. Although let me just say, poor Ashley and Tony - what did they do to deserve their partners?? And who peed in Len's bowl of Cheerios?

P.P.S. Down to 97 emails in the blog in-box (from the 13,000 I was working on over a month ago at the time of my jury duty! woot!)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Speaking of Carrot Top

File this under 'things that should not be made public, let alone put on the blog.'

When you read my last post, you may have been thinking "ohhh...she's trying to make like she is 'all that' posting a picture of Carrot Top and using it in cliche blog format, i.e. this, that or Carrot Top hardy har har....."

But, what you did not know is that I have met Carrot Top. Yessssireeeee. It was way back in 1993 (or '94). Back when he was still scrawny. And looked like a guy. MB and I attended a show he did at a local comedy club, and afterward, I was sure to get my very own autographed Carrot Top shirt. Another time, I saw him pulling out of a Wendy's drive-thru in his SUV. Me and Carrot Top are like this *places pointer finger against middle finger*

Make me an offer. You know you want it ;-)

P.S. Did anyone watch Undercover Boss last night? How 'bout Danielle. "ma'am, ma'am your not letting me speak." She seems like the person I tend to get on the phone when I call customer service. Interesting how she underwent customer service retraining yet is no longer with the company. I'll bet Toyota snapped her up to run "interference" in their customer service dept.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Meanwhile: In Other School News

This past week at my son's school:

He got to witness a student being chased down by the cops and then tackled and handcuffed. Said scholar was part of a gang and was "tipped off" that there was going to be a locker search. So, naturally, she did the only logical thing: i.e., set fire to her gang bandana and toss it in the bathroom in a trash can filled with paper towels. Yes, "paper" towels....

The funny part: The "locker search" was fabricated by some students...

Then two days later, a custodian was arrested for possession of mara-juana. This fine upstanding employee was selling the mara-juana to the many outstanding intellectuals at the school...


Sorry this post is so short, but I am busy pondering who will play me in the film of my blog (a la Pioneer Woman / ReeseWitherspoon) I'm thinkin' possibly Dana Delaney?
or Michael Steele (formerly with The Bangles)
barring those I'll consider settling for

Carrot Top

Remember: I've already got my own Marlboro Man cast

Do you have anyone lined up for when your blog goes into production???

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Gotta Love the Public School System

...for accurately portraying real life scenarios. VC came home with this mathematics worksheet last week. He was excited to show me how "inappropriate" it was. But in light of the Tiger Woods, fiasco it may be an important learning tool:

In case you can't read it:

Q. What happened to the Baseball Player who was unfaithful to his wife
A. He was thrown out at home

tee hee.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I Hate It When Things Peak and Branding Mommies Leave Me in the Dust

You may have seen two articles in the mainstream media this week about blogging. The first was on about whether blogging will soon be obsolete, having been replaced by quickie updates on Twitter and Facebook.

The article: "Has Blogging Peaked? Twitter Is So Much Easier" was written by Matthew Shaer and raises some interesting points, namely that the coveted 18-29 demographic is blogging less (down from 28% in 2007 to 15% today).

Among the reasons those in this age group give, is that they can say what they want immediately and without writing 4 paragraphs. They are not passionate about the creative part of blogging, feel it takes too much effort and that they do not receive immediate feedback like on Twitter and Facebook. Also, it requires more thinking and many have come to realize it takes hours and hours of work every day to make any money from it (for those interested in going that route). As one of the commenters said, youth today have the intention span of a gnat, so it is not surprising that many quit after a few months of blogging.

One good sign, though is that in my age group (the out of touch old fart group) - blogging is growing in popularity (from 7% to 11% (of American aduts) in the same time period)

Last week I was tweeting with someone whose blog I had read in the past. I clicked through to see what she had been up to - only to discover that she stopped blogging in July '09. When I asked her if she missed it, she tweeted back that she missed the people, not the blogging.

I'll admit that personally it is difficult not to look at blog stats and for those stats to be a factor in whether to continue blogging. Let's face it, there are many many other things we could be doing, some of which may turn out to be more fulfilling in the long run...

One segment that continues to thrive, though, is mommy bloggers, many of whom attended Bloggy Bootcamp last week in NYC. The article in the NY Times presents a contradictory picture, on one hand all sorts of amazing stories on how well several mommy bloggers have done, one getting 32,000 pageviews a month. (Let's just say the day Carma Sez gets 32,000 pageviews I will be celebrating with prune juice in the nursing home) - and on the other hand, titling the article: "Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand" - OUCH!

Do you think you'll still be blogging years from now?

P.S. I took artistic license with the photo - VC is really only 14 (but playing a member of the 18-29 group). Plus, his hair is not greasy. I coaxed him into doing this photoshoot after a two hour sweaty juggling session....

Friday, March 12, 2010

Since When??

As I was pumping gas the other day, I decided to stop in the express shop to pick up a Powerball ticket, having not purchased one in a while. I usually pick one up whenever I am at that particular station, which is maybe every 3 months so don't go calling the gambling hotline on me.

I decided to fill in my own numbers and handed the slip to the guy at the register. I thought it was very odd when he asked my birthday, so I proceeded to give him the month and day only. Then he said I also had to provide the year which he then entered in the computer....I asked him, "Since when do you need to enter someone's birthday when they buy a ticket?" He replied that they've always done that to prevent underage kids from buying tickets.

I have been in that store many times but have never had to do this before, but he insisted they've always done it ?!? And every time I go in it is the exact same guy at the counter (who has a wonky eye so it is fairly obvious) But all this is besides the point anyway, since I am obviously way older than 18 - even he can see that (with his good eye)!!

What has your Powerball purchasing experience been?

P.S. I didn't win. My dream of retiring to Sardinia has been put on hold.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I'm Bummed.

Remind me not to do anything of importance before 10:00 AM. Make it 11:00 AM on weekends. This morning I did something that I has left me smacking myself upside the head.

I sat down at the computer - looked over and saw my camera and decided to delete some photos. The photos on the camera had not been moved to the hard drive since I procrastinate like crazy on that type of thing. I know you see what's coming. Let's just say there were 167 photos at 7:15 this morning. At this time, there are NONE.

You see, with my Sony Cybershot, it is extremely easy to delete all photos if acting quickly. Sure there is a "confirm" - but when trying to exit, which I did as soon as I realized what might happen, I clicked "OK" thinking I was exiting, when I was really confirming the deletion of all the photos!!!! I'm now left with a completely blank photo card :-(

One of these days, I swear I'm going to go all "neo-Luddite" like Lily Allen....I'm already halfway there: No cable TV, a cell phone that is rarely in use, no i-POD, but the one thing I can't live without is my computer and- up until this point my camera.

I dare not tell VC- as he gets pretty sentimental over photos, and among the ones I deleted were the photos of him and me posing with the fancy cake he and MB got me for my birthday, plus several of his recent juggling gigs, and probably lots of other stuff that I will have a panic attack over later.

In a sense, it has freed up a lot of time, as I had planned to work on uploading the photos this weekend. I'm getting nostalgic for the days of 35MM film. Back when the livin' was easy....Perhaps I should take the bull by the horns and delete the 5,800 emails still remaining in my inbox, which are of a lot less value than those photos were.

Ever pull a bone-headed move like this????

P.S. I'll admit a factor that may have led to my lack of concentration was the distracting headline about Breast Milk Cheese!!!

Update: I called Ritz Camera and they can recover them for $40 -- now I must contemplate: birthday photo/juggling photos vs. $40 to spend on overpriced hair products ;-)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Another One of My Weird Obsessions

Well, it's not an obsession, per se, but let's just say that a certain cheese ball consuming/belly dancing/partially hearing impaired/ice skating/bounce juggling blogger should be elected to head up the Keith Morrison Fan Club! Watching Dateline this past Friday night (it was a two hour special) solidified my view that there is no better interviewer than Keith Morrison. Nobody conducts a more griping interview. Nobody.

That gravely ominous voice cannot be duplicated, although Bill Hader comes close....

If you haven't yet seen the SNL Keith Morrison spoof, it is "must see" material:

If you follow me on twitter, you will often find me tweeting with @faryl my west coast Dateline buddy/fellow Morrison fan, with tweets such as "aaaaaahhhhhaaaaaaaa" (code for Keith Morrison speak)...

Have I officially exposed myself as a complete dork yet??? If not, more obsessions to come.....

**Update: WHY IS HARDLY ANYBODY WATCHING DATELINE????? I have a sneaking suspicion that if I had been writing about the Real Housewives many heads would be nodding in recognition**

Monday, March 8, 2010

Stir Fried and a GPS Ride

First let me mention that I am writing this after having just consumed a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich made with Velveeta that we had left over from making Queso dip...mmmmmmm.....I forgot how tasty fake cheese can be.

Second, the reason I am not writing about the Oscars is that I decided not to watch. Most acceptance speeches make me squirm and I know once I sit down to watch the entire evening is shot. Although, I'll be honest, with my "Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) Mancrush" it was hard to tune out.

Oh, and I also want to mention that there may, in fact, have been some type of Divine Intervention involved with the airing of VC's video. Not only did the library DVD not work twice, but on Friday he was featured on the morning announcements and, as luck would have it, there was a substitute teacher in his "homeroom" class and she was unable to get the TV working in time, which meant that the inglorious basterds could not make fun of his smile again!

MB has become even more obsessed with his jam skating (rollerskates) and his posse keeps growing. (The ever unreliable Bromance did not show up after weeks of boasting that he would be there. Again). This weekend the group had a skate at a rink 4 hours from here. It was an all nighter, so VC and I decided to head out to do some ice skating, inspired by the Olympics as it were.

We had a blast:

Considering this was only the third time VC was on skates in his 14 years, I was amazed that he was whizzing around the rink....

I was further surprised when he said he couldn't believe what I good skater I was, and as a mom of a teen, you know what a BIG DEAL that kind of compliment is *pats self on back.*

I gotta tell ya, my new GPS has really expanded my horizons. I've been avoiding going far from home unaccompanied because I dread getting lost and being in unfamiliar territory with bad Mapquest directions, but now that I have a GPS, the world is my oyster (always wanted to say that). The rink was an hour from our house and on the way home I decided we'd plug in the coordinates of the nearest Trader Joe's and stop for some healthy goodies on the way home, which we did:

We ended up calling it International Night. (VC artfully arranged the goodies on the table so you could see). Dinner included:

Cucumber Wonton Rolls - I made the soy dipping sauce that was on the package
Salsa and Reduced Guilt Corn Chips
Veggie Stir Fried Rice
Marinated Bean Salad
and for dessert, Reduced Guilt Brownies made with Greek Yogurt (completely non-fat - yet delicious)

We also purchased:
Almond Butter with Flax Seed
and Organic Whole Wheat Penne

VC said that I was buying us out of "house and home."

Yet, when we got to the checkout the total came to $21.00 with tax!!! For healthy food!

We had so much fun we are planning on making this a regularly scheduled event...

Nothin' like living on the edge ;-)

Saturday, March 6, 2010

In the Immortal Words of The Human League

Recently I came across a comment (by a company rep) on the post of a big giveaway blogger.

The comment the rep posted was a general suggestion to bloggers (said in a cheerful way), not at all demanding or offensive, so I was taken aback at the terse response she received from the know-it-all blogger and all I could think was "get off your high horse missy!!"

Which also got me to thinking. People can rise so quickly in the blogosphere especially if they are not me do giveaways, that it is easy for them to get all uppity and forget that it was "we" (the commenters and company reps) that put them where they are now. And that we can put them back down too. (not really because my blog carries absolutely no influence - but I like to think that way :D)
Photo credit: parislemon

Remember a little courtesy goes a long way, no matter what size blogger you are. Silly me, I like to live by this credo in real life too. Agreement is NEVER required on my blog. I'm always up for a healthy debate....

Am I driving yet another spike in my bloggy coffin? - pfffft

Bloggers: enter to win $5000 in cold hard cash-(I likey!)

Friday, March 5, 2010

C'Mon Hollywood, You're Killin' Me

I wasn't going to make a blog post today. I really wasn't. But this story just BEGS for discussion and I have yet to see much discussion...

You've probably all read about Mo'Nique and her 'open marriage' which she discusses with Barbara Walters on her Oscar special.


Mo'Nique is multi-talented and comes across as incredibly self-assured, with hairy legs, so why would she put up with a husband who she pretty much says (in a round about way) is free to cheat on her (although she's been faithful to him)? And call me crazy here, but doesn't it DEFEAT THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE??

Salma's booby time reading pales in comparison to this. Your thoughts?

Update: A couple of you have inquired about the hairy legs reference:

Thursday, March 4, 2010

A Very Anti-Climactic Update

Remember VC's video I spoke to you about on Tuesday? The one he was hesitant to televise to the entire school (1,300+ kids) -- it ends up all of the stress was all for naught; Thanks to the marvel of NON-modern technology, the DVD would not play in the school's antiquated DVD system that is used to project onto the classroom TV's for the morning announcements.

The librarian provided us with a disk in a format she thought would work, but she tried it again yesterday and it was a No Go.

VC was bittersweet about the whole thing. On the one hand, he would have loved to have shown his talents to the students; on the other hand, he would have potentially suffered at the hands of the likes of these guys:

"Uh huh huh huh"

Speaking of students, did anyone see this picture of Salma Hayek reading Dora The Explorer to kids at Nickelodeon Animation Studio in Burbank this week:

I spent one day out of every week reading to my son's kindergarten class and for some reason, although there were close to 40 weeks in the school year, I never got around to wearing my plunging neckline black dress. I wonder why that was?

Still time to enter to win $5,000 cash if you are a blogger! here.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Don't Be Messin' with My CUB!!

This blog is about so much more than my bad posture-- it's also about my family, including my son VC.

If you are a regular follower of this fine blog, you are familiar with VC and all of his many talents.

Well, we received word yesterday that he won a prestigious PTA award and his project is now advancing to the "Nationals." I, being the doting mom, had tears in my eyes when we received the news. VC was pleasantly surprised.

The lady from the PTA wanted to show his project (a video) on the morning announcements which are televised to all the classrooms at the school.

I've written before about the "tough crowd" at the public school he attends. Tough as in overindulged bullies. VC's face became crestfallen at the thought of his video being aired to all the students at the school.

Why? Because when he accepted the County award a few months back, he evidently "smiled wrong," and was the subject of ridicule from several students afterward. WTH????? I did not realize it was now permissible to bully kids for "smiling wrong."

The video will air tomorrow. I'll post here if there are any repercussions from the derelicts.

What's a good kid with more talent in his pinky (literally) than these kids have in their entire bodies have to do to CATCH A BREAK??????

Can you tell this pisses me off just a teeny tiny little bit?

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