Sunday, January 31, 2010

Farewell 2020: You Were a Good Year

In my never ending quest to see the cup as Half Full, I have compiled a list of things I am Thankful for by doing a quick scan through some of the posts in my 2010 archives. . .If you ever want to feel like a dull blogger, I encourage you do do that ;-)

Without further ado, I present Things from 2010 that I am Thankful For:

1. I am thankful that the earthquake during our vacation only minimally interrupted the all you can eat buffet.

2. That I was able to clear out 11,000+ emails while waiting to see if I would be picked for Jury Duty (I wasn't)

3. That on my third attempt I made a perfectly formed Monkey Bread! Woot! (monkey bread #FAIL photo)

4. That I did not get another Really Really Big Pen for my birthday or Christmas - although you may have read about what I did get for Christmas, which reminds me I am also thankful I will not be making a repeat visit to that place again anytime soon.

5. My lifelong goal of having my picture in a local free publication that is featured in stands outside the grocery store came to fruition - even if it was blurry!

6. That VC survived smelling oven fumes after I cleaned the oven.

And I'm only to February at this point...

7. That I was nominated for a prestigious honor. (Yeah baby, you knew I wasn't leaving that one out!!)

8. That this interview was a quick one.

9. That someone took the time to write out my obituary ahead of time!! That will be a big time savings for my loved ones.

10. That this verbal tongue lashing is over and that the person who lashed out called me to wish me a safe drive and was very friendly and acted concerned about me when she called last week. My, that is quite the turn around in events. I wonder why the change of heart - uh, yeah, probably because I am the one around here SELLING STUFF!!! (now there I go getting all bitter in what is meant to be my rosy year end review. Let me quickly channel some happy thoughts....)

11. I discovered that it is only necessary to wash jeans but twice a year!! Wow, now that was another time saver! ;-)

12. That I have a happy little email folder to go to on days I'm feeling old and useless.

13. That every now and then I get a nice comment on one of mine and VC's collaborative videos. That always makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :D

14. For salad on bread

15. -----> can't believe I forgot to add this originally: I'm thankful the Belly Dance Smackdown simmered down, although things are awfully dull now!

and lastly

16. For the best darn "invisible friends" a girl could ask for!

Hope you all have a healthy, super-prosperous and extra funky 2011!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Real Housewife or Copacabana Crooner?

We are a little snowed in today. Which allows me time to read trashy online publications instead of cleaning which I swore I was going to do.

Just finished reading the article about Danielle Staub professing that she is a born again virgin. bwwwwaaaaaaaaaaahhaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaa

Disclaimer: I do not, nor do I plan to watch the Real Housewives of Anything.

But I couldn't help but wonder:

Danielle

Barry

Separated at birth? or the same plastic surgeon? BTW, Danielle is only 45???? Quarterly Reminder: Avoid plastic surgery.

Now. Where was I. Ah yes, on to E Online and then Us Weekly....

Friday, January 29, 2010

A Recipe for Disaster!

Have I mentioned that on most days my job is very dull? I know. I know. I should be happy to have a job in this economy, blah blah blah ;-) It's still dull.

So yesterday I was reading everything I could get my hands on to pass the time. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

By 4:00 pm I was down to the free magazine sent to us by the local electrical cooperative (bet you didn't know there was such a thing) - anyway, there is. And they send out a magazine featuring profiles of local people and a "You Know You Live in the South When" segment where people can mail in their redneck quotes. On the back page is a recipe page, where readers can send in their recipes to be published.

In desperation, I was reading the notes at the bottom of the recipe page, when I came across this exact quote:

"The January 2010 recipe for Crock Pot Angel Chicken included two typographical errors. Use one 8-ounce tub of cream chese with chives and onions (not 8 tubs) and a 0.7-ounce envelope of dry Italian salad dressing (not a 10.7 ounce envelope)"

What the heck? Did Ms. MoneyPenny leave her reading glasses at home that day????

*Best picture I could find; does it not look like a dead fish plopped over some spags?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Flawed Logic

One thing I forgot to mention in my post about our visit with the octogenarians is that the female who smokes uttered this exact phrase when my husband asked her how they have managed to live so long without watching their diet and despite the smoking.

She said loudly and matter-of-factly (she tends to shout): "A smoked ham lasts a lot longer than a non-smoked ham."

[caption id="attachment_4159" align="aligncenter" width="344" caption="Smoke This"][/caption]

Ponder that thought and if you decide to take up smoking after reading that let me know your address so I can come on over and kick your a$$ <----- kidding, maybe

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

For the Two of You Still Interested in Seeing My Vacation Photos

Here's the "modest" view from our hotel balcony!!

MB and I were eating breakfast last Tuesday morning when the earthquake struck. MB's biggest concern was how soon he could return to the buffet. Priorities. Priorities. (I wish I was kidding.)
I wasn't going to post a picture of me in the pink bikini, but then I thought, what the hay, if this old fossil can still rock a bikini, so be it ;-) (VC has wisely pointed out that I 'wasn't really rockin' the pink one') - but I was in my own little fantasy land :D

If any internet pervs doctor up the picture, at least give me a bit of a boost in the chest area, oh, and maybe a tat.

Big brave carma did some snorkeling with STING RAYS!!! And believe it or not, I wasn't worried one bit - because that was actually something worth worrying about- that a ray might go all 'Steve Irwin' on us.

This photo was taken at the sunset dinner buffet on the beach our last night there. It was very romantic, as you can see from the Epic FAIL.

Two hours after we arrived on the island my hair looked like the episode of Friends where Monica is on her honeymoon playing ping pong with her hair completely frizzed out. Hmmmm....did I leave out any other important facts? I think not.

You know what would look good on this table? A mug from my Girlfriends line. Just sayin'

Monday, January 25, 2010

It's Not Easy To Be Me (or a friend of Andy Dick)

*kidding* I actually have it pretty darn good, which makes my anxiety all the more frustrating. I was just driving home from dropping off another charter school application for VC *fingers extra triple crossed* when I heard the Superman song with the "not easy to be me" quote and it seemed to capsulize exactly how I am feeling.

I know I have a tendency to apologize whenever I do one of my more melodramatic posts-- but this time I'm just going to say thank you for all your advice and encouragement and for letting me know that I am not alone. I know what I need to do. I just need to remind myself of what that is on days like today when everything is back to relative "normal" and I think I have absolutely no problem - bwwwwaaaahhhaaaaaaa

Another unusual thing that I tend to do (in case I haven't already frightened you away by discussing my neuroses) - is to remember quotes for years. Not famous quotes. Just things people have said that stick out in my mind.

I don't know if any of you are familiar with Brooke Sheild's show from many years back - Suddenly Susan. Her co-star, David Strickland, (who always reminded me of Chris O'Donnell) was the guy who played a rock critic at the newspaper. Sadly, the handsome guy pictured at right ended his own life after stopping his medication for bipolar disorder. His death followed a three day alcohol and cocaine binge with Andy Dick. Somewhere I recalled an interview where he said something to the effect that you can have everything in the world (fortune, fame, etc.) but if you don't have your mind, what do you have? I remember nodding in agreement. *******no I am not contemplating anything drastic- just thought his quote was very insightful and ever so true.*********

While trying to find his exact quote on the internet (couldn't find it), I came across a site linking Andy Dick to several celebrity tragedies. Apparently three of his closest friends were Phil Hartman, Chris Farley and David Strickland. This is a Six Degrees of Separation no one would want!!!!


And here is Andy back in the news again for grabbing some dude's "package." He looks none too happy about it.

Next post: pictures from trip!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Post Where You Tell Me I Am Not Alone


I know I promised some vacation photos, but my progress has been stymied by an attack of anxiety (of the generalized nature). I've been wanting to do a post like this for a while, but have hesitated because I don't want to scare any of you fine readers away :D

Many have referred to their blogs as "cheaper than therapy" and that's what I am seeking: Some cheap therapy!

Family members will be aghast that I am posting this, as there is still a great stigma associated with this topic.

Recent events have convinced me that I need to know that I am not alone. For most of my life I have been categorized as a "worry wart" "stress case" "nervous Nelly" etc etc etc. In one of my previous jobs, I was referred to as the "designated department worrier, or DDW" (Note to those who use such terms in describing acquaintances: it is best NOT to use these terms.) I've mostly been able to keep things at bay and gone along as a fully functioning member of society.

However, every now and then all it takes is a trigger to set things off and I'm back to waking up at night panicking over minor things (in the scheme of life) and obsessing to the point where I can waste hours accomplishing nothing as a vicious cycle goes around in my head.

Usually what triggers things is a perceived "mistake" on my part. This can lead to me doing numbers calculations over and over in my head - especially if I think I have sold something too cheaply, in which case I calculate the opportunity cost of the hours I have to work to make that $ back. Completely weird, I know. And yet I CANNOT STOP.

Outwardly, I remain my composure, but inside it is like a constant tornado swirling in my brain. It prevents me from focusing completely on what I am doing, including for example, enjoying a once in a lifetime vacation! Please tell me that I am not alone on this; and if you've found a way to keep your nervous energy at bay, I'd love for you to share it :-)

I cannot keep going on like this. It is far too exhausting. (although it does appear to be a good way to burn calories ;-)


P.S. I'm gradually working my way through my blog reader. I truly appreciate all of your comments. Lack of wi-fi at work has prevented me from accessing the interwebs during my "slow time" :-(

Friday, January 22, 2010

Shakin' and Bakin'

As you may have guessed from my prolonged absence, I've been off on a little vacay - with brand spankin' new swimsuits with good elastic - to the Grand Cayman Island!

Before you get to thinking I am independently wealthy - when you see pics of where we stayed *cough* Ritz Carlton *cough* -- be advised that this was an incentive trip sponsored by MB's company, which means I'll need to give him his due respect and refrain from posting pics comparing him to Bo Derek in her famous beach scene:


The reason for the title of this post - We were in the Grand Cayman when the earthquake hit the island on Tuesday (5.8 on richter scale) -- and the "bakin'" - well, that's not exactly true - as I am probably the first person to visit the island and return whiter than when I arrived!!

More deets and pics to come. Just wanted to let you know I have not disappeared completely - you are not that lucky!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

It's Back!

Just when I thought it was time to toss the cheeseballs*



along comes JannaBee with a series of photos from last week's episode of Chuck.

What makes this all the more intriguing is that the cheeseballs featured in the show are UTZ imposters!! Take a peek:






NBC has replaced the Utz logo with "Best Value".... [I have changed this sentence after reading your comments - doh!] I guess the suits at NBC did not want to feature Utz being that Utz did not pay for product placement on the show???] Either way, NBC has it's hands full with the Conan/Jay debacle - interesting that they devoted the time to re-working the logo...If someone knows the reason, please educate me...

Also, guess I'll need to stop holding out for the Utz Sponsorship that I've been dreaming about....

And there ya have it, a much anticipated Project Cheeseball post courtesy of JannaBee!! Please visit her blog - especially if you like photos of cute kids and a cute new puppy :-)


*No food was intentionally wasted in the making of this post. I had purchased a full canister of the balls for a photo op with a blog prize that never arrived, fancy that! In the meantime, the cheeseballs expired, but not before MB tasted one to confirm that the sell by date was indeed valid :D
Oh Yes, He DID!
Finally, congratulations to Lucy, winner of the business card giveaway! Thanks to all who entered.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Oh, Just Doin' a Little Carbon Dating

Sometime this winter MB and I will be taking a trip courtesy of his company, to a swanky Caribbean resort. Me and MB staying at a swanky resort is amusing in itself, but not as amusing as my selection of swimsuits!

Realizing that the trip would mean I needed to wear a bathing suit (something I have only done a handful of times over the years) - I headed to the swimsuit drawer. And here are my findings:

Exhibit A: String binkini (circa 1992) and Tankini from when Tankinis first came out and were da bomb


Exhibit B: Mom Suits (circa 1998) - I purchased these when VC was 2 years old so that I wouldn't look like a ho in my skimpy bikinis at friend's neighborhood pool.

A quick survey of these suits prompted me to hit the mall in search of a more updated 2010 look, which brings me to my theory of why t*pless beaches are so popular. I was browsing the bikini top rack (a lot has changed since I last purchased a suit in 1998 - suits are now sold as separates. It's as if I've been caught up in a time warp) - Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the cost of a top was $87!!!!!!! $87 for a tiny top - what up wit dat???

I'll go t*pless before shelling out my hard earned money on a bikini top at that price (no I won't)

Which leads me to:

Exhibit C: Inexpensive suit I picked up off rack when shopping at big box store:
I tried it on a few days later and concluded that it was totally age inappropriate. And you know I'm all about being appropriate ;-) Yeah, so MB returned it for me today while he was out. And picked up a new murse while he was there....

Which leaves me back at square one: with a suit from 1993 or 1998. Do you think I should try them on to be sure the elastic won't completely disentegrate when I step into the pool?

Oh, I forgot to mention, all of this is basically a moot point, because chances are I'll be wearing this:
over my suit to protect my Casper skin. MB is reminded of that episode of Scrubs where Carla was slepping up the beach in her dowdy beach ensemble including baggy shorts and a wide brimmed golfing hat, which reminds me, I'm hoping I can fit my massive hat in my carry on bag...

What item of clothing do you have that could use a little carbon dating?

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Epiphany of Dance

This blog is more often than not a lesson in what not to do, but I've become all philosophical after having performed on Sat. in the Belly Dance Recital.

This was the performance in which I, lil ole carma, was the lead in our group.
Here's more of an action shot, so you can see that I did, in fact, move:
and here I am in the chorus line:
The style of belly dance my group was doing is tribal. There were other styles of dance at the recital, featuring the slinky costumes more commonly associated with belly dance. If I decide to participate in the next recital, bring on the slink!!!!

Am I an exceptional dancer? not by a loooooooooong shot, but has it been fun breaking outside my comfort zone? You betcha!

If there is something you've been itching to try (assuming the itching is not due to chiggers) - Get out there and try it!!!! To quote Bon Jovi, "It's [your] life. It's now or never....." (all good epiphanies involve Bon Jovi in some way or other...)

If doing it for yourself isn't a big enough motivator, my son said to me that one of the best parts of the night was being able to say "That's my mom up there!" (how cool is that?)

What is it you've been dying to do?

Friday, January 8, 2010

Is Your Man a Murse Man?


Did anyone see the clip from the Today show about murses yesterday morning? It was quite funny, especially the hockey player with the "clutch bag."

I'm all for a guy with a messenger bag, but I'm not sure that I can see MB carrying one, nor any of the other newer manbag styes. I should clarify: He would never carry a murse. Period. - MB being the type who always says things like, "can you fit my sunglasses in your bag?"

In the photo above, it is a combination Ove Glove/Murse! (I've really gotta take some new pics of MB since I use them so often - in fact, I believe this photo was taken prior to his drastic weight loss - you remember that one right? The diet where he GAINED weight in order to lose weight. You can read about it here- in the Fully Deflated post.)

But I digress; the point of this post was my curiosity if any of your men carry a murse or are open to the murse idea.

[to show you how blase MB has gotten about the blog, at bedtime I mentioned, "oh, you will be on the blog tomorrow." Him, "doing what?" Me: "Grilling with the Ove Glove while holding a murse." Him: "[gosh] that picture's so old; can't you get a newer one?]

*see my previous post if you are in need of business cards

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Business Card Giveaway!

If you are in the market for some business cards for yourself, perhaps to hand out at blog conventions, or maybe for your toddler to arrange for playdates (seriously I read there is such a thing as toddler business cards!) or maybe your son is a juggler and could use some cards advertising his new act:


If any of the above criteria fit you, then please enter my business card giveaway! (Even if the above criteria does not fit you, please enter anyway!) Here's the skinny:

UPrinting.com is sponsoring this giveaway.

Giveaway Prize: 250 Business Cards for one (1) lucky winner

Size: 2 x 3.5”, 2 x 3”, 2 x 2” (square card) or 1.5 x 3.5” (skinny card)

Paper: 14 pt gloss cardstock, 14 pt matte cardstock or 13 pt recycled uncoated cardstock

Shipping: Winner will have to pay for shipping

Eligibility: Limited to US Residents Only.

-----------------------

To enter the giveaway, please let me know how you plan to use the business cards.


For extra entries (Please leave a separate comment for each entry):

1. "Follow" my blog on Blogger
2. Subscribe to my blog
3. Grab my handy dandy blog button (please let me know so I can reciprocate!)
4. StumbleUpon, Kirtsy or Digg any Carma Sez blog post that you've particularly enjoyed
5. Blog about the giveaway and link back to my blog
6. Post about the giveaway on Facebook
7. Tweet about the giveaway & send me the link to the tweet (you can tweet up to 3 times a day!)
8. Tell me what you like most or least about my blog

**If you are already a follower, or already have my button, please still tell me so in a separate comment. Thanks!**

Giveaway ends on Thursday, January 14, 2009 at 8:00 PM EST.

Good Luck! Oh, full disclosure, I am also receiving 250 business cards for hosting this giveaway and because I rock ;-)



Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Blah Blah Blah Blah "Shut Up" Blah Blah Blah


You know this kind of person. The one who loves to tell their stories. And every event that happens in their lives is a BIG DEAL. And the stories go on and on and on to the point that you want someone to come and put you out of your misery....

I have been enduring this for several years now, but an event that happened the other day definitely takes the cake...

This individual "the storyteller" started in on a story- and it was very easy for me to predict the outcome. Another person "the visitor" was there and it was obvious she was in a hurry to leave. So to spare us all having to hear the story in all it's gory detail, I said "oh, so (blank) happened" - at which point the story teller turns to me and says "shut up" (I wish I was kidding) so she can complete the story, which takes another 20 minutes (literally) full of plenty of twists and turns and ends in *gosh* exactly what I said happened!

I wish I could convey to you the drama with which the story was told. As soon as the story ended, the "visitor" said she was in a hurry and blasted out the door, just as I had been anticipating. Yet, I was held captive to hear the story, in its entirety, THREE MORE TIMES that day....and I wouldn't be surprised if there will be a FOURTH time somewhere in my future....

Do you have someone in your life who tells you painfully long and uninteresting stories? What's your secret escape clause?

Sunday, January 3, 2010

You Know Why I Love You Guys??

....because you are pure genius, I tell you. Pure unadulterated Genius.

Take this comment that came in on January 1, 2010 at 9:51 PM from Laura (who incidentally folds her toilet paper) in regards to my new blinged out sneaks:

Ohhhh they are super ghetto fabulous! You know, that bling bag you got from Sephora (??) would go perfect with these!! :)

Even at 9:51 at night you readers are at the top of your game!!! The Sephora freebie plus the new sneaks = that sound when the heavens part in The Ten Commandments (which I've never watched to completion, but I'm just assuming the sound that would be made):

Now that I see the diagram that took me a half hour to create, I'm thinking it means more that the Sephora bag plus the Ecko Red sneakers = Madonna's Ray of Light???? If I was a less lazy blogger I'd go back to the drawing board and fix it. But it's time for my nightly carb overload so it will remain unchanged.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year, Shortys!

How's about my new sneakers??

Would you have ever pictured me in these blinged-out sneaks?? Neither would I - but given that I won a promo code to Ecko - I decided to splurge (wherein splurge equates to "spend $12") on some "ghetto fabulous" duds (and I do not mean this in a derogatory way - per the Urban Dictionary - "Ghetto Fabulous" adj. "Basically, high priced but tacky clothing and accessories") - it was either that or buy VC a new hoodie -for $58 pfffft!

Not only are these babies completely blinged out - but they also have a small - I guess it is a rhino - pendant hanging from the side and a little gem inlayed in the back.


To complete what ended up to be my New Year's Eve outfit, I also ordered a shirt, which I dare not wash - ever - because the sleeves are so narrow I may not be able to fit my arms back in them. (and the shirt was a size medium - not XS).

I received more than a few snickers from a nameless rollerskater about my new blinged out ensemble, particularly the sneakers, since I normally look more like a conservative school marm, but nevertheless, I wore my new outfit to attend VC's New Year's eve juggling gig.
There I bumped into a teacher who I taught with at the same preschool over 7 years ago. She was also VC's 3 year old teacher. She was blown away by his juggling, but even more so by my *ahem* new sneaks!!!! She asked about them not once, but TWICE!!! Now who's settin' the trends???? If I continue to set trends at this breakneck pace, I may soon need my own fashion blog!! ;-)

Hope you all have a healthy and prosperous 2010. I'm a little behind in returning comments but hopefully this weekend....
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