Thursday, June 17, 2010

I Need You to Play Emily Post


Getting back to my post from Tuesday where I mentioned the ca-ray-zy driver I am carpooling to class with, I am seeking opinions as to how best to handle the situation tactfully without coming across as a panic button or ungrateful beyoooootch:

A. Would you flat out tell her that her aggressive driving is stressing you out
B. Make a joke about it and hope she gets the point
C. Try and avoid signing up for future classes that fall on days she has free
*evil grin*
D. Join the Witness Protection Program

More info: I do not know this person very well - at all - we just met at my last class...One of the reasons she was hoping I'd sign up is so that we could carpool together since the class is about 25 miles away. She is really a very sweet person. I am seriously not exaggerating about her driving. It really is that bad. I could tell the other drivers on the road were P.O.'d since she would tailgate them so closely they would get over a lane at the first opportunity. (I made sure to look straight ahead once they moved over so I would not need to see them flipping us the bird, which reminds me of another story from last week...) Yet, according to her, the few times she has gotten pulled over, she did NOT get a ticket; just a warning. WTH???? I am clearly doing something wrong...

In less speedy news, congrats to Mommyof2Girlz, winner of the Betty Crocker giveaway.

And best wishes to my cuz JP who is headed home after spending a year stationed in Iraq. Yay!!!! Have a safe journey home! xxoo

26 comments:

Yankee Girl said...

I would flat out tell her. You may not make any friends doing it, but I would hate it if my driving was freaking someone out and they didn't say anything.

If that doesn't work, or depending on her reaction, you may need to join the witness protection program.

NIKOL said...

I'd do a combo of joking & flat out telling her. I'd try to keep it light ("I'm breezy!") but I would want to make sure she got the point.

The Witness Protection Program sounds kind of fun, though. New name, new house, new routine. I can see some perks there.

Salt said...

If you are fearing for your life, then I would flat out tell her how you feel about it. The fact that she's a relative stranger works in your favor because if she decides she hates you for something like that then it's not like there's really any love lost.

blueviolet said...

Is saving the money on carpooling worth the terror to you? I'm being serious here.

Because if it isn't, I'd just make up some kind of scheduling issue or place you need to go immediately prior to or following the class and then drive separately.

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

I would try jokingly telling her about it first. Not too jokey or she may not get it (I would but that's because I was once told there's always some truth in joking). I use this approach with my husband because he's a little defensive about stuff he perceives as criticism. She might get the hint and ask if you really mean it, then you can gently just say yes and point out the way other drivers are reacting to her driving (this is proof that it's not just you who fears her driving). I wouldn't try flat out since you don't know her very well...it could be perceived badly, you don't know if she's defensive like my husband or not. I always think of how I would want to be told something and go from there. I guess if you tell her flat out in a nice way that might work? I have my doubts...

good luck and let us know what happens!

Kristina P. said...

I would tell her, but in a very casual way.

Mommy, I'm Home said...

I would offer to drive and if she asks why make some lame excuse, but that's because I'm a wimp...

Where the Fur Flies said...

I'd try to tell her straight out, but not be too intense about. "Hey, could you slow down? You're making me uncomfortable", then move onto something else. I say that, knowing that's probably the hardest solution for you but the one I'd want you to use if I was the driver.

Multiple personalities.. said...

I think I would just flat out tell her that the whole carpooling thing just isn't working out anymore because she's a crazy driver. Because bottom line is, YOUR safety has to come first. I would find a nice way of breaking the news to her, but she has to know that what she does is unsafe, for herself, her passengers, and other drivers.

And best wishes to your cousin too, please tell him we said thank you for serving! :-)

McVal said...

Hmmm... Witness protection program? You'll end up in Albuquerque. Haven't you seen In Plain Sight?
What I have done in the past when trying to avoid riding with someone is to tell them that I have a class or event in a totally different direction right afterward now and won't be able to continue driving with her. But thanks for letting me tag along for the few times that we did...
I'm an avoider... Not confrontational...

buffalodick said...

Scream and grab the dashboard a lot..My wife, when young got stopped a few times and never got a ticket..she came home one day with a ticket, and I told her she wasn't as young as she used to be..I then went to the Med Center to get the ticket removed from my ass...

alessandra said...

I'd do all the four, in order.

Lucy said...

I would never say anything to her directly, just not my style. I would make something up why I couldn't carpool anymore!
Good Luck!!

Vodka Logic said...

I would start joking around and then if that didn't work...tell her straight out.

Your life is worth more than a new dangerous friend

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Amanda said...

Its a good thing you threw a copyright on that picture. I was seconds away from stealing it and making millions.

Lisa Paul said...

I wish I had some magic advice, but the best tactic is going to depend on her and her attitude toward gentle criticism.

I think I'd wait until you drive home, so that you can tell her when you reach your destination without having to break and run for class.

Say, as kindly as possible that you really like her, you so appreciate the offer to carpool, but her driving really, really stresses you. Laugh and say, "Yeah I'm a Nervous Nelly." Tell her, "I really hate to criticize, but I was afraid if I took a passive route and kept refusing to carpool, you'd think I was mad at you in some way. I'm not, and I really like you, and didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize our friendship. It's just this one little thing.

Home School Dad said...

Tell her you blog and give her this post and the previous one as samples. She might catch on that way.

Seriously, I wiuld tell her. I had a situation like that where I was carpooling with a total maniac driver. I told her. It didn't change her driving but it didn't get her mad at me either.

Even if she was mad, what was she gonna do to me? Drive really fast and sporadic and scare me half to death? She was already doing that!

M-Cat said...

I prefer the passive/agressive approach : )

Make a joke next time you get in the car armed with your barf bag about how batshit crazy she drives and that you are hoping not to get too sick in her car.

The thought of someone blowing chunks in my ride would totally get the point across to me.

Tracie said...

I'm non-confrontational so I'd probably go with 'B'. But the first one is probably the correct way to go.

mac said...

I don't like confrontations, but you should tell her. It's your health that is on the line!


Thanks cuz PJ !

angelcel said...

I hate confrontation but if her driving is that bad then you have to remove yourself from the situation straight away - which narrows down your options. You either have to tell her straight out (and, ask yourself, if she's that bad a driver are your words actually going to change the situation)? Or you come up with some fiendishly clever excuse as to why you always need to drive yourself, or drive alone (people can usually spot 'a line' but at least you will be safe).

It's a stinker of a situation really but your safety has to be paramount - above all concern for hurt feelings.

Lexie Loo & Dylan Too said...

That's a tough situation! I think I would tell her how you feel! Maybe she'd get the hint if you acted like you had your own personal brake on the passenger side when you rode with her. ;)

Randi Troxell said...

it IS a touch situation.. i might would tell her, but just in the most sweetest way possible... maybe?

have a great wkend!

Unknown Mami said...

Be respectful and tell her that you are a safety nut, but be honest. Don't tell her she's a sucky driver, but tell her that certain things make you nervous. Be honest and as tactful as possible. But tell her.

Omgirl said...

Being a rather agressive driver myself (although I am wise enough to tone it down when others are in the car), I would say just tell her. Nicely, but tell her you are a little nervous sometimes when she drives. Blame it all on your weak heart if you don't want to offend her, but I'm sure she'll improve by the next ride.

Or you drive and let her contribute to gas?

P.S. I love Emily Post! I didn't think many people knew about her/that movie.

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