Sunday, March 28, 2010

A Mind Is a Terrible Thing

I've written about this before, so if you have something more pressing to do, just mosey on now....but if you happen to have a couple seconds...

Here's the thing. My anxiety officially reached an all-time high this weekend. Yesterday was packed to the gills, and in trying to execute everything "perfectly" as I always try to do. I made a mistake. Again. And you know what that triggers: waking up during the night completely panicked and in a sweat.

In trying to control every possible scenario absolutely perfectly, I am wearing myself down to the core and I simply cannot go on this way. I've been like this since childhood and tried a couple things in the past yet I always think, "awwww...I'm fine. This is perfectly normal" and go back to muddling through on my own, i.e. doing nothing.

Tomorrow I get some help. For reals, this time.

Issues of the mind are still so stigmatized I thought twice before writing about this on my blog, but what is a blog for if not breaking some of the social taboos. If it costs me a reader or two, then it costs me a reader or two.

If you were to meet me in person you would think that I am calm, friendly and absolutely in control of everything. If you could only hear the soundtrack that plays inside my head. I need to shut it down and I need to get some sleep.

(On a more positive note, anxiety is a great way to lose blog bloat. But I do not recommend it.)

I'd love to hear your experiences with anxiety, especially from guys since we never really hear about this type of thing affecting men as much as women.

P.S. I have not been home much, which is why I have been MIA. Will catch up this week. Promise :-)

P.P.S. Talk about lack of creativity. I just referenced my first post on this topic from back in January and it contains some of the same words and phrases!!! May need to issue everyone a refund on this post :D


Amanda said...

Well... I applaud you for your honesty and for seeking help when you realized that you needed some! I think everyone can learn from that bravery!

I have never really dealt with anxiety, so I cant offer any specific feedback. Other then, I support you.. love you.. and want the best for you!!


Jayne said...

Oh Carma, I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. I think you're very brave to ask for help and I know you've done the right thing. I'm not qualified to offer advice as I've been for *one* counselling session after a dramatic melt-down in my doctor's office. The one appointment did help tremendously but really I was such a fool for not sticking with it longer. I admire your bravery, both in taking that first step and in talking about it here.

Jayne x

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

I still suffer from anxiety, but much less since I lost my job. I'm not advising quitting your job though, just saying I noticed I am a lot calmer and at ease since I lost the high stress job.

Anyway, I sought out therapy when anxiety was causing frequent panic attacks. There are techniques for coping with anxiety, but the most effective for me is "self-talk" sounds nutty, but it gets me through it. I would not have known about it without therapy.

I used therapy as a gauge of what is normal and what isn't because I have a tendacy to assume I'm abnormal or I allow others' opinions to influence my opinion of myself....this definitely adds to anxiety.

It takes a strong person to accept help, just remember that. I think everyone could benefit from therapy :-)

alessandra said...

Oh, I thought you were visiting me because you love me so much ;)
About the mind, I came to a conclusion lately, that there is no such a thing as an healthy mind.
Mind is nonsense.
So the "real" way out is detachment from thoughts :D

buffalodick said...

There are more of us than you think. Most pressure is self are not being overwhelmed, but you feel like you it out with someone, see how it goes.

Mommy, I'm Home said...

There's nothing wrong with getting professional help for your anxiety, Carma. Just go take care of yourself. Promise we won't think any less of you...

Michelle Pixie said...

Can I just say that I have had a standing prescription of Xanax for anxiety since I was 19 {long before I ever had children!} oh god just writing that last sentence and I felt a twinge of anxiety. You are so right about it not being talked about and or written about much. I know I don't do it because I don't want to have the sad eyes and the ‘oh I am so sorry’ crap that always comes along with it. I don't think anyone’s life comes without messes mine just happens to be with a side of anxiety and a dash of depression! Makes you want to be my friend?! Yippee!! People tend to put others in a box and I just don’t want to be the girl that needs drugs to get through the grocery store. ;-) But I am definitely an advocate for talking to professionals!

blueviolet said...

I've struggled with anxiety and depression and take a combo drug to deal with it. I am OCD so I get frantic with worry sometimes.

I feel for you!!! I hope you find the right help.

Rachel Cotterill said...

I think it's crazy that there's still stigma attached to getting help for mental "stuff". I mean, no-one thinks anything of grabbing painkillers for a headache. I spent about a year seeing a therapist... it was pre-blog days, but maybe I'll write about it sometime. It definitely helped me straighten out my brain on a lot of things.

~Kristen~ said...

I think everyone deals with some level of anxiety at one time or another, and for some it is more intense. The fact that you recognize that you need some help with it and you are brave enough to do it and share with us is so commendable!!! I don't have much I can offer in the way of advice but i can offer you lots of {{{{{HUGS}}}}} and to let you know I am here for you if you need a friend to talk to!!! xo

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Nothing wrong with getting help. I tend to replay mistakes in my head over and over. It is very tiresome.

Robin said...

No stigma here Honey...Ive been in therapy for years on and off...the hubs too, both my girls..all my friends...and Im in the field as helps with a lot and can give great relief....go for it and definitely find one that you like form the get go..if you sense that you dont like them at first ..go with your gut..
Im sorry you are having to struggle with this, it is difficult ...and draining as well...I send you a few Hugs...!!

Laura said...

Oh Carma, I'm so sorry I totally feel for you. I never had anxiety until after I had my first baby than BAM full blown attacks because I worry so much! It's scary and sucks but I am so glad you are willing to talk about it and get help, it's the best thing you can do! {hugs}

NIKOL said...

It's been several years since I last went to therapy, but I can tell you that for me, therapy totally rocked. I went in feeling like maybe I was being a whiner, or that I should just learn to pull it together myself. My therapist was so encouraging and validating, making me feel like what I was feeling wasn't unusual, and that there was a way to fix it. I have never regretting going. There's such a stigma with mental health issues sometimes, which is a shame because I think the vast majority of people would benefit from some counseling in one way or another.

mac said...

I might have the opposite. I have severe "don't give a shits".
Most folks laugh (and I do too, sometimes). But every once in a while it bites me in the ass.

I have even passed it on to my son. He's 15 and it's hard for me to see anything he cares deeply about.

If you think you need help, seek it out. Go on, I promise I won't think worse about you :-)

Yankee Girl said...

I dealt with anxiety for a long time. After having frequent panic attacks, I went to therapy. And started taking Zoloft. Though I am no longer taking Zoloft, I still see a therapist once a month. I think seeking help is a great idea and hopefully it will work for you as well as it did for me.

Hang in there! We are all thinking of you!

Barbaloot said...

Yikes! Best of luck in dealing with that. I'm not much of a stresser---but I think it manifests itself unconciously every once in awhile cuz I wake up with headaches and a sore jaw that I'm guessing I clenched in my sleep.

Hope you figure things out!

Debbie said...

I think a lot of women are just programmed to think they have to be perfect all the time. Good for you for getting some help. Maybe then you can help all the rest of us:)

Randi Troxell said...

well.. i think you should type whatever you wanna on here.. it is YOUR blog after all... like you said, if ya lose a few.. eh!

hope you get to feeling better.. i'll be thinking of you!

Janna Bee said...

You know I feel for you... Many times I get frustrated that others are so calm and I am so anxious and manic.

I'm crossing my fingers for you that this getting help will give you some peace of mind. {HUGS}

Jen said...

Your post sounds like you were writing about me and I am sure I am not the only one who thinks that. Anxiety is such a pain and I am glad that you are doing something about it. I'm there for ya, Carma!

Lora said...

My anxiety almost ruined my marriage. It was terrible. I got therapy. Years of it. Sometimes I was there weekly. A couple times I was there twice a week.

And now I'm better. Not 100%, but I'd say 85%.

I didn't take drugs, I didn't want to mask the symptoms, I wanted to learn to deal with them all by myself. And I did just that.

I guess I always had some anxiety issues, but after I had my son they exploded. It was just awful.

I hope that things get better for you. Love to you today and every day.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Awesome! Realizing you need some help is half the battle, and getting it is the other half. Take control. It's empowering!

Those "one or two" readers lost would be lost regardless. You can't please everyone, every time. Be yourself, and the result will be keeping the most worthwhile people around.

In the same vein; I'm sure my last post probably lost me a reader or two - I saw a pile of regulars show up, but have only had 2 comments on it. You know what? This is me. Love me or leave me - I'm happy with who I am. I wish the same for you!


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