Saturday, January 23, 2010
The Post Where You Tell Me I Am Not Alone
I know I promised some vacation photos, but my progress has been stymied by an attack of anxiety (of the generalized nature). I've been wanting to do a post like this for a while, but have hesitated because I don't want to scare any of you fine readers away :D
Many have referred to their blogs as "cheaper than therapy" and that's what I am seeking: Some cheap therapy!
Family members will be aghast that I am posting this, as there is still a great stigma associated with this topic.
Recent events have convinced me that I need to know that I am not alone. For most of my life I have been categorized as a "worry wart" "stress case" "nervous Nelly" etc etc etc. In one of my previous jobs, I was referred to as the "designated department worrier, or DDW" (Note to those who use such terms in describing acquaintances: it is best NOT to use these terms.) I've mostly been able to keep things at bay and gone along as a fully functioning member of society.
However, every now and then all it takes is a trigger to set things off and I'm back to waking up at night panicking over minor things (in the scheme of life) and obsessing to the point where I can waste hours accomplishing nothing as a vicious cycle goes around in my head.
Usually what triggers things is a perceived "mistake" on my part. This can lead to me doing numbers calculations over and over in my head - especially if I think I have sold something too cheaply, in which case I calculate the opportunity cost of the hours I have to work to make that $ back. Completely weird, I know. And yet I CANNOT STOP.
Outwardly, I remain my composure, but inside it is like a constant tornado swirling in my brain. It prevents me from focusing completely on what I am doing, including for example, enjoying a once in a lifetime vacation! Please tell me that I am not alone on this; and if you've found a way to keep your nervous energy at bay, I'd love for you to share it :-)
I cannot keep going on like this. It is far too exhausting. (although it does appear to be a good way to burn calories ;-)
P.S. I'm gradually working my way through my blog reader. I truly appreciate all of your comments. Lack of wi-fi at work has prevented me from accessing the interwebs during my "slow time" :-(