Friday, November 6, 2009

Call the Bitter Police

Yep. I'm ready to be cuffed. Call me Bitter.

In actuality I have no justification to be bitter. I live a charmed life compared to many on the planet.

What brought on this most recent bout of bitterness you ask. Simple: The pure evilness that is InStyle magazine. Not only does this magazine put all sorts of things that I "need" to look younger, prettier, less frizzy, more chic, etc. in my mind, but now it also taunts me with children of celebrities who are given full page modeling spreads.

Reference a recent issue that featured Dakota Johnson, daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith, Lily Collins, daughter of Phil Collins, Zelda Williams, daughter of Robin Williams, all of whom are now actresses, and Mavis Spencer, daughter of Alfre Woodard, who is "deferring at Columbia because she is starting to model," due to what the magazine describes as her 'skyscraping height' (she is 6 feet tall).

Wah Wah Wah. I want famous parents so that I can get an awesome job.

Oh, and I want tall parents so that I can "defer" from my boring job trajectory to take time to model. In fact, I would so love to model (even considering my bland and indistinct features) that I would pay them for the opportunity to model...

And I also want a Temptu Airbrush makeup system because I wasn't one of the first 50 readers to win one for free and I so deserve a flawless complexion.

...and I wanna be like Donatella Versace lamenting that she has "warehouses full of art and [she's] run out of wall space." Boo hoo hoo...

Thanks InStyle. You've convinced me it's time for some new reading material, which reminds me I'm about due for another "book recommendation" ;-)

*Still time to enter my Crazy Dog T Giveaway - lots of cool designs!*

30 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Amen!

Kaylen said...

Yeah, sometimes I have trouble deciding which of my seven sports cars to drive and it's really sad!

And I'm always telling my son that he shouldn't be so stressed about going to college cause he really should just take a year off and travel the world.

It's a rough life for some of us.

Kathie @ my net finds said...

I love it, the bitter police :-)

Beth said...

So true! It is enough to make anyone bitter.

My current read is Interpreter of Maladies and I love it!

Housewife Savant said...

Now Carma; it's not about being short, squatty, flat, or frizzy. (You're not.) Dream parents should be so stinking rich you'd never have to work at anything.

It could still turn out badly. You could look like Paris Hilton or Nicole Richy. GAH!

Have ou SEEN Donatella????

angelcel said...

I don't know this air brush thing you mention...might a plant sprayer filled with makeup do the same thing do you think? ;)

Yeah I'm with you, celebrity nepotism makes me barf.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Well said.

blueviolet said...

You are speaking for the masses here. Thank you!

Rebecca Jo said...

it drives me nuts every time I see the kids of Bruce Willis & Demi Moore too!!!

Michelle said...

THANK YOU! I've just about had it with Cosmo too, except I really like their make-up tips. If not for Cosmo, I never would have learned how to apply eye shadow. The rest of it though, is just hollywood psycho-babble.

Tammy Howard said...

Step away from the gossip rags! Stay here with us!

(what're we gonna do when Dooce's kid decides she wants a blog...)

Joy said...

I saw that spread in InStyle. Pretty gross display of nepotism.

Mommy, I'm Home said...

I've quit reading those rags and my self-esteem has improved dramatically.

I wish I had a book recommendation for you, but I'm not sure what kind of books you enjoy. Here, let me put my librarian hat on....

What was the last book you read that you liked? And why did you like it?

kys said...

InStyle: Because sometimes People has stories about kids with cancer. (I don't know where I heard that.)

Aunt Juicebox said...

I just wish my parents had life insurance so I will be able to claim their bodies from the morgue when they die.

Randi Troxell said...

yea.. i totally want a temptu nakeup system too...

yea... shoulda been famous!!

have a wonderful wkend!!!!

Laura said...

First of all you always crack me up and I love it! Second, you don't want to be a model...most of them are on the coke diet. Yup, I said it! :)

~Kristen~ said...

And that is why I read papercrafting, decorating, and cooking magazines! I won't even pick up the likes of InStyle or Cosmo at the salon anymore!

Alicia said...

amen sister!! i'm right there with you!!!

strokeofliving said...

So you were the winner for Wordle Wednesdays. Thanks for playing. At some point I'll have to have a contest or something to encourage more people to play. Congratulations! I'll look for you to play again.

Mocha Dad said...

You are so a super model

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I could not possibly agree with you more. :)

JennyMac said...

LOL!!!

and Amen.

Debbie said...

Walk away from the InStyle. Nice and slow. That's a good girl!

Shraddha@theselfloveproject said...

i am sucker for instyle too..

i know they say its more important to be beautiful from inside..but damn it...i want to loose some weight and look hot too..

i did a post just for you on how to add meta tags to blogspot blogs..

Frugal Vicki said...

AMEN to that! And you know what is worse? People's paychecks get cut to avoid losing their jobs, and California is freaking destitute, cut the stupid paychecks of Dakota Fanning who doesn't need one ANYWAY. I don't need the bitter police, I need the bitter SWAT team for this subject.

Yaya said...

I don't even read that kind of stuff anymore.

Lucy said...

Sounds like a Pet Peeve of yours, no Nepotism, only Meritocracy!!!

Amanda said...

I just look at the pictures anyway. ;)

Later-
Amanda

fizzycat said...

Have given up on that stuff.All the best people are bloggers.

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