Saturday, September 5, 2009

A Post I Should Not Be Writing

Do you ever feel like no one really wants to listen?
That you spend so much time planning for others
Not that they notice.
or care.

That everything else is more important
than giving you two seconds on the phone
or five minutes to hear your point of view
to really hear what you have to say.

Who really cares about your point of view anyway?
Your views are ridiculous.

That you are number 10 on the priority list
because you always know how to handle everything
and every eventuality
so they don't need to think.

You'll do all the thinking
And all the planning
You're good at that.

You'll tell them where to be
You'll tell them what to do.

They'll have all the fun
They are good at that.

You get upset about "silly" things
You make a "big deal" out of things
Why can't you just "lighten up"
Why do you have to be that way?

but when it comes to others
they'll jump through hoops
and then more hoops.

You are invisible
And yet somehow you are always there.

** This was written spontaneously and I will probably take it all back tomorrow. Right now I'm playing the martyr and throwing my own little pity party ;-) You gotta do that sometimes!**

29 comments:

Lucy said...

Don't take it all back tomorrow you said it all perfectly because I soooo get it and totally have those parties myself!!

Melissa B. said...

But we'll always have Utz Cheeseballs, correctamundo? Don't take it back...let it all hang out!

Mark said...

Ahhhh pound it out on the soft, accepting ears of the Internet just remember that getting it out in the open to a non-judgemental audience is part of the healing process.

Hang in there, they come around, they really do appreciate it, they're just guys and sometimes words can't be found to do someones worth justice. It's the pearls of moments that will take your breathe away (a hug at graduation, a kiss at prom, a sweet I love you note in the morning when you come down to get coffee and he's already left for the day)

Angel said...

Everyone is entitled to a pity part, and I could have written this many many times. You will feel better tomorrow but I think this is life for all of us.
Don't take it back..I have been busy, and missed reading your blog it is still as great as always...thanks

Lisa Paul said...

I hope the Belly Dancing Beeyotches are not giving you grief. If so, slap them up side the head for me. If it's MB and juggling boy, tell them to shape up or eat Cheeseballs for a week.

angelcel said...

The 'invisible' state you describe happens precisely *because* you are so efficient and good at the job of being a Mum. Everything runs like a well-oiled engine and sometimes, just sometimes, everyone forgets that it tends to be just one person making it so.

You may well have (involuntarily) passed sufficient comments and sighed sufficient well-timed sighs before withdrawing to your own space that they've figured out the problem by now. Hopefully that's all that's needed to make a significant shift in the 'Carma time/space continuum'...for the time being (because it's the human state when at home to tend to rely on a willing and loving Mum).

Don't worry about taking it back. I don't see it as self-indulgence ('playing the martyr') I just see someone who's fed up today and we all get like that. Besides, it's way better out than in. So to speak. :)

cherie said...

awww, don't take it back! someone's got to read it - like me! take it easy, sweetie. life gets better...

Vodka Logic said...

Dont take it back, so many of us can relate to it. Totally.

I have written so many poems and posted them wondering....and I say let the chips fall where they may. Sometime people need to hear it.

Well done
xx

Elise said...

Hello, you have the most fabulously wonderful site here and I had to leave this comment for you ! Your posts are beautifully written, creative and original too, and you have interesting pictures.

It's all perfect !

Thank you for sharing your site and best wishes.... 'Happy September'....

Housewife Savant said...

Is that a rhetorical question?

I lurve a pity party. I'll bring the chips.

Jill of All Trades said...

Hey we are all entitled to throw our own pity parties, I'll bring the chips.

JennyMac said...

Speak your mind Carma! Sending a cocktail your way.

Sara said...

I, too, feel that way sometimes, lately a LOT. It's hard to write or voice something like this, b/c we don't want to be the Martyr, but how will they know if we don't say it?

Don't take it back. It's there and you're allowed to have a pity party when you need it. You'll be stronger tomorrow.

Found you on SITS, btw! :)

Stephanie Faris said...

"Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted."

Maybe we all write because we're tired of being invisible. I think this is something many women feel. We're the caretakers, the nurturers. Sometimes we just want people to see us.

Marie said...

Oh Yes! I've felt this in one
relationship in particular.
You will do all you can to forward
their dream, but they can barely
listen to your dream much less
participate. Annnnd, with other
people they will fall all over
themselves trying to help out
and build someone elese up, often
a person who they have just met.

Whew! I needed to say that. It is
good someone You Dear, know how
it feels and what I am speaking on.

Thank You!

Though, you're right, I may not
feel as strongly about this in
a few days, however...

Joy said...

I think you speak for all of us at one time or another - and you wrote it with style - well done. {And no run-on sentences unlike the one I just created.}

Laura said...

Nicely said! Sometimes things need to be said or nothing will ever change...ever! And an occational pity party thrown for yourself is OKAY girlie!! :)

HUGS

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Don't take it all back...I love this post! I can relate 199%! :)

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Carma,

You have my sympathy, empathy, in fact everything that ends in 'pathy'...

It is the stuff of clever, organised women, Carma. It is our lot in life, our cross to bear, our carmic calling... And sometimes it sucks, so don't worry about whingeing here - It's your space, that's what it's for, and we're here to say - You are never alone, no matter how crap you're feeling, Carma. Much love and light, juggling babe xox

Yaya said...

Don't delete this post tomorrow! I DO feel like this. A LOT of the time.

Kathie @ my net finds said...

Yes, I have felt that way!
btw, I tried to buy Utz cheeseballs to bring on my trip and my local Staples didn't have them...I was hurrying around last minute before we left too, so I couldn't get them anywhere else. dang it all!

Mike said...

Happy Mother's Day.

(OK. I'm way off. But you just described what a mother—or father—is).


Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com


Twitter: AboutParenting

Kristin said...

Been there and done that. But you'll do it again just like I do, cuz you're a giver rather than a taker, which is a better way to live if you as me.

Alicia said...

don't take it back!! sometimes we all need to vent! can i come to the pity party?

One Sassy Girl said...

Ooh, I love a pity party!! You have to vent from time to time and half of what is vented you don't even believe the next day, but hey, it felt good saying it!

Amanda said...

OK Carma. Your words have obviously hit a cord...

I gotta tell ya. I got into blogging cause I wanted a voice. Now I spend so much time and energy trying to get people to hear my voice I end up making myself crazy!! I totally think blogging (I know you were not just talking about blogging, or maybe not even talking about blogging at all) is one of the most humbling experiences.

We pour hours into editing and fine tuing and rearranging thoughts in our heads into appropriate blogging material... and 2.7 people read it.

Its frustrating!

Ok.

Apparently I needed to throw a pity party as well. Shoulda planned it out better.

Then I coulda make cookies.

Love to you!
Amanda

~Kristen~ said...

Don't you dare take it back! It is how you feel and how you feel is very valid!!! And this is YOUR blog and you are free to post what you want and if anyone has a problem with it, to hell with them! I understand where you are coming from as I have felt that way many times. You are among friends here...vent all you need to!!!

Tammy Howard said...

Ah yes, the plight of the invisible woman... We hear you, Carma! You always have us!

Jen said...

Don't take it back! It's okay to have a pity party. You totally read my mind. I have been feeling the same way lately. I hope you feel better after letting it out a little.

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