Monday, July 27, 2009

Not Me! Monday

*MckMama's little Stellan is in the hospital again. Please keep your thoughts and prayers with her family

I've been missing from Not Me! Mondays for a while now. This is due to me executing everything in my life so flawlessly that there have not been many "Not Me!" moments to be had ;-)

However, this morning, as I was NOT putting nail polish on my butt, I decided it would be the perfect time for a Not Me! post.

You heard me correctly. I was NOT putting nail polish on my butt. This was NOT due to the chigger bites on my butt and thigh. They have not been so itchy I could scream bloody murder. Nail polish is NOT known as a way to relieve the itching by sealing off the area from air. (If you try this remedy, be sure to use clear nail polish, not the blue sparkly stuff or black goth polish.)

How did I get so many chigger bites you ask? I was NOT sitting at the side of the pool with my feet in the water at VC's request because there was nobody he knew at the pool and he wanted company. The chiggers did NOT proceed to climb up my shorts and take refuge in my butt cheeks.

Why wasn't I in the water where I would have been safe from chiggers? Because the water was damn near freezing. In fact, I normally come up with every excuse in the book as to why I am not going in the water: A new piercing, plans for that evening so I don't want to redo my hair (like my hair takes that much effort), Bandaids on the bottom of the pool, or because almost EVERY OTHER mom at the pool gets to sit in a lounge chair fully clothed and read a book!!

By the end of the week I did NOT finally break down and go in the pool at 6:30 pm. The only other MOM WAS SITTING IN A LOUNGE CHAIR READING A BOOK. Brownie points for me, the "involved" mom!

When we joined the pool I did NOT harbor all these fantasies about how awesome the pool would be. VC would be going there and meeting new friends while I would be dry, in the comfort of my air conditioned home reading blogs cleaning and doing laundry. Big backfire of plans!!!

Other weekend mishaps: We did NOT discover that the ribs MB was pre-cooking had in fact EXPIRED TWO DAYS EARLIER! This was NOT an hour and a half before the guests were to arrive. I did NOT fly into a panic. The ribs had NOT been purchased only a few days earlier. MB did NOT chide me for neglecting to check the expiration date. We did NOT toss out $12 in ribs and I did NOT drive 12 miles to get some more. Oh, and I am NOT cheap.

The Renaissance auditions did NOT go crappy. They did NOT turn out to be more of a test of VC's acting skills. VC is NOT not an actor, except in this video. However, I was NOT quietly celebrating the fact that VC would have many more free weekends come fall if he was not NOT accepted. I did NOT marvel that I would not have to cart him back and forth to the Renaissance Fair. I did NOT feel a little guilty about this. But, VC was not NOT that disappointed as he quickly came to the same conclusion.

Finally, MB's piano c. 1897 did NOT go on the fritz again. I did NOT capture the moment he attempted to fix it - complete with his new flashlight on head (I'll spare you Part II from later in the evening - MB in his boxers attempting to fix the piano). The piano is NOT now missing some keys from the upper and lower register. But who uses those keys anyway? pffft


Janna Bee said...

Wow, I had no idea about that nial polish thing. Carma, your blog is so educational!

Kathie @ my net finds said...

ahhhh, chiggers! I have a cousin whose nickname growing up was "chig" or "chigger" because she had a habit of ripping off her diaper, rolling around in the front yard and getting herself covered in chigger bites. hee hee. now is that really what you were doing carma? did you rip off your suit and go rolling around in the grass near the pool to get all those chigger bites??? lol.

Amanda said...

Chiggers. On your butt. I can't say I have ever heard of that. And that I even know what chiggers are. But they sound, well, gross.

At least they didn't climb... IN anything.

There was just way to much in the post to comment on. I think I need to go and re-read it again and maybe leave a seperate comment.

On a differnt post. I'm crazy like that.


Rebecca Jo said...

You always make me laugh!!!

And for the record - my husband is FLASHLIGHT OBSESSED - so we have like 10 of those stupid head flashlights around the house... I'll have to tell hubs he can now wear it while repairing pianos! :)

strokeofliving said...

Wow, SAHM, chiggers, I'm learning so many terms. Is this what motherhood looks like? If so maybe I'll pass.

Regardless, I love the way that you express yourself. Da, da, la, la la Monday, Mondaaaaaya!

Tammy Howard said...

Aw, you had me at "I was not putting nail polish on my butt."

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

thanks for the tip on the nail polish.

Joy said...

That c-word is one of those words that gross me out. And I'd forgotten about it! So thanks. ;o)

MyLifeMyWorld-SharingADream said...

I never knew about nail polish? Does it work for mosquitoes and black flies too?

Sounds like you had a pretty interesting week....and wow what a piano!

Thanks for commenting on my blog :)

Sarah Von said...

Awesome and awesome. You had me at "butt" and "nail polish"

Leproust Vintage said...

Thank you for visiting my blog and entering the giveaway! Your blog is so entertaining! You are a wonderful writer! I must say, seeing the before and after of Megan Fox, made me feel just a little bit better hehe!

Joyful said...

Ouch! NOT chiggers. Sounds like you've had a tough time.

And that headlight is some kind of sexy - don't you think?

Kristin said...

What are chiggers? How do I not know this?

BrnEyedGal said...

I am NOT ROFL...

Oh boy, that was great Carma and Im sorry you are going crazy with itchies! (I really hate bugs!)

Lucy said...

I was one of those moms when my kids got old enough to be in the pool unsupervised that sat in the lounge chair and read, I loved it in the summer. The kids wore themselves out and I actually got some down time and no chigger bites. You need VC to bring a friend to the pool, you poor thing!!

Housewife Savant said...

I am NOT bad at the keeping up.

I did NOT put you on my sidebar.

I do NOT wanna be part of your posse.

The word "bromance" is NOT awesome. I do NOT want to use it.

I do NOT think you are one of the Best Bloggers Evah.

Housewife Savant said...

Oh, and I do NOT argue with my hubs re: whether or not his MOSQUITO BITES are chiggers.

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