Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Of Cheap Gas, Night Vision Goggles, Tattoos and Vasectomies- oh my!

I promised some deets on our recent trip to Florida. The occasion was a party in celebration of my MIL's milestone birthday.

So we rented a car (better gas mileage & no June Bugs permanently adhered to the Element) and headed to the Sunshine State. Gas prices were good:

Kidding! That sign must have been left up since the eighties! My heart did skip a beat, though when I saw it from a distance....

We knew we were nearing my in-laws' house when we came to this sign:
That's right. We had to make a left into their subdivision, located across from the Pure Pleasure sign, which was located next to the Tattoo Parlor:



Other memorable signs included this one:



We hadn't made this trek in over 2 years, yet as soon as we saw this sign with the guy with the googly eyes, we instantly remembered it. We thought- this guy is a marketing genius!!! Most people might avoid putting their faces up on a billboard. But, not this guy. He has the most memorable eyes ever and they definitely catch your attention!! He is clearly using them as a marketing tool. Now that I've discovered my eyes are two different sizes, I am ready for my own special billboard :-)

But, nothing could trump this dude:


He's performed over 19,000 w/o needle or scapel! On the way home we noted that on his other billboard, in the town of Waldo, he states that he has performed over 17,000 -- so he must have ramped things up in the years since that billboard was posted. The sad thing is that we decided to calculate (without calculator) how many a day he would need to do to reach this number. Some people play the "Alphabet Game" - we calculate vasectomies!

Get a load of his phone number: It's VAS TIME!!!

Some interesting tidbits: My eyes are still adjusting from sitting in a darkened house for hours on end. MB's parents house is very dimly lit. Apparently, the light bulb is not too popular in the mother land. I'm not knockin' it, since it conserves energy, but next time I visit I will bring a pair of these:

Night vision goggles to the rescue!!

Another thing that took some getting used to was the constant smoking. Sitting in a screened-in porch with up to 7 smokers at a time!! The next visit may necessitate one of these:


Needless to say, we are "the Flanders" of the family. While everyone was sleeping late after staying up smoking and drinking, we were up early and took a walk. "Okely Dokely!" Of course, part of this earliness was due to a poor night's sleep. Every time MB moved around on the air mattress, I would hit the floor.

And to think, we get to do this all again in 3 months, for his Dad's birthday!


I have an awesome giveaway going on at my review blog!

154 comments:

JP said...

What ungodly hour of the night do you post your blogs? -- I went to bed and there was a cheeseball post. I got to work and there was a road trip post -- you must have trouble sleeping.

Now a comment on you blog -- Your inlaws don't live outside an Army post do they? Those look like signs I have seen outside Ft. Sill, Ft Bragg, Ft. Hood etc. They are usally next to suplus stores where you can get your night vission goggles and a protective mask.

JP

Jill of All Trades said...

Oh gosh, sorry but had to giggle. Ain't visiting grand!

Karen said...

I'm thinking you should fly next time and check into a hotel.

Heather said...

The vasectomies sign has to be the best thing I've ever seen! I wish we had one of those where I lived! I can't stop laughing!

Aileigh said...

Sounds. Like. Fun... Er, right. Now the signs are laughable, and the night vision was too funny. But ya lost me at the smoking. I couldn't even sleep in a house that had that going on! No wonder you have so much fun there! Inhaling known carcinogens is my idea of a great time! :)

Blue State Cowgirl said...

You went on a roadtrip and didn't take a deluxe jar of UTZ Cheeseballs for the invariable photo op? Shame on you. HOwever you did manage to pack maximum cheeziness into this post anyway. What would happen if Mr. Googly Eyes became an assistant to The Vasectomy King? Words fail.

Mark said...

Darn no pictures of the local Piggly Wiggly grocery store???

Our trip to NC & SC turned into my wife's quest for Diet Cheerwine and Diet Sundrop and Scuppernong Jelly & Jam. Oh well we amused ourselves with counting Sonics but for us the Billboards we saw all referenced Pedro & South of the Border.

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Ha! Isn't Florida grand??? Those signs are hilarious, esp. the googly eyed lawyer. Hey, whatever sets you apart, right?

Okely dokely! The Flanders!? Have fun on your next trip.

Kelly said...

I am actually interested in how that no scalpal business works. Not for me... But it's easier to talk your husband into that business if he doesn't have to be all cut in his sensitives...

Janna Bee said...

I feel like I was there with you! What a fun post.

Vas time- it ALMOST sounds fun....

Fred G. said...

I wrote down the vas doctor's number for the next time I'm in Florida.

Jess :) said...

Hahaa! Thanks for the laugh! Okely Dokely is right - I'm definitely the Flanders of my family, too. Have a great day, SITsta!

Mama Nut said...

Congrats on SITS!! Loved this post!! Super duper funny!

Ali said...

HaHa! The lightbulb thing hits home. Everytime it's dark in my living room with only the TV on, I'll ask my hubby if he's turning into my granny!

C.G. the Foodie said...

So how many vasectomies could he possibly be performing each day? He doesn't look that old!

Kim said...

Who advertises vasectomies on a billboard!? Seriously! That's hilarious. And don't I wish gas were still 1.25. Wouldn't that be nice. Congrats on your SITS day.

Jeannie Finelli, RN said...

Funny how when families get together you start suspecting some of them were adopted because they're just THAT different!

Kari Jenkins said...

Oh lord, that could be my grandparents house...if they were still alive that is, umm lung cancer anyone. Loved them but those peeps sat in the dark smoking too! Next time I think I would insist on a hotel. Oops, rambling....Happy SITS!

It's All Good said...

haha, to funny!

JamieH said...

In 3 months! Hotel reservations for a good nights sleep?

Mary at My New 30 said...

Pretty funny! You should go in search of goofy billboards and make it a regular feature!

Happy SITS Day.

Housewife Savant said...

You're killing me here! Did you visit with MY family? Was there a ginormous dog that urinated when he got excited?
What about the Huge Screen TV...Was the TV on 21 hours/day?
Just checking.
We're the Flanderses too. Gas mask indeed.

Robin said...

very funny.....
You should send those signs to Jay Lenno

Oh....and I have one word for visiting family.....HOTEL....you'll sleep better and actually enjoy your visit.

Rachel said...

How funny!!!!! Plus, you make me feel better about trips to see my in-laws :)

Astrid said...

Ha ha ha! We've had trips like that...we have fun staring at billboards & signs.
Happy SITS day!

Jennifer Juniper said...

My parent's house is always dark, too, now that you mention it! What is with them??? Happy sits!

Allison D said...

well, it is more entertaining than the five minute drive to our in-laws. hilarious post

Elaine at Lipstickdaily said...

The Flanders! Ha . . . and I LOVED the vas sign. Thanks!

Pam said...

Very funny! I give you credit for putting up with the smoking in a dark, enclosed house. I wouldn't have been able to do it. I might have gotten a room a the Pleasure Palace instead!

Cher said...

WOW! Those gas prices made me jump for a second myself! I was just about to go wake my husband and demand to move to FLORIDA! aww. bummer.

sandy said...

Wow, sounds like good times!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

great post. LOL.

Debbie said...

This is a riot. I love your sense of humor.

Katamommy said...

Best billboards ever.

Joy said...

This makes me want to see your home movies.

Donnetta said...

Imagine what you could SEE with those night goggles in Pleasure Palace.

Oh...wait. Don't! :)

Happy SITS day!

the vacuum lady said...

What a great trip. Lots of great sites down there! I'd do the flight next time.

Becky said...

Ahhhh, the in-laws. Gotta love it!

Amanda said...

Wow! I would definately be the Falnders family there too... gross!! All that smoking would have made my kids sick!

God bless-
Amanda

Kara said...

You crack me up! Those are some crazy road signs! Congrats on being saucy today.

delilah said...

Oh, dude, I thoroughly approve of this post. There is a divorce lawyer billboard a few towns over that cracks us up every time. She's like a cross-eyed Playboy mannequin in a nun's habit. Happy SITS day!

delilah at www.unrulyhelpmeet.com

Rachel said...

Girl, I feel ya.

BIBI said...

Haha! gas masks and night goggles. Sounds like you had a great time!

The billboards were so hilarious!!!

*giggle snort giggle laugh out loud*

RebeccaMom said...

This is toooooo funny! :) I completely identify with the relatives who smoke thing, Oh my... and even your suitcase smells for months...

Susan said...

I've seen that exact vasectomy billboard - it cracks me up every time. I take 301 through all those little towns to go to my parents house.

Enjoy your next trip down to the sunshine state or as my hubby calls it "Satan's Armpit"...

Brandy said...

Sounds like you had a lovely trip. LOL!

Nena said...

That is awesome! We love taking pictures of random awful roadsigns. And my inlaws insist on keeping their house dimly lit with all the blinds closed. We refer to their house as "the cave".

Nanci said...

I only have one thing to say--Bwahahahahahahahaha!

Amanda said...

We were just in Florida too... I feel like I saw those same signs! But I did not take pictures like you did... what a neat idea!! You are a funny girl!

Many blessings-
Amanda

Is it oK to do two comments? I have no idea why I am but oh well.

Magette's & Musgrove's said...

You must have visited the same part of Florida we did! We always find humor in counting the number of XXX signs from the NC border to South of the Border.

Connie Weiss said...

Great signs! I love the VAS TIME one.

Michele said...

Too Funny!! Happy SITS Day!

Superjaxster said...

LOL. Its VAS TIME!
Happy SITS Day!

Kasey said...

This was a funny post. The things we encounter on road trips and you've got the photos to prove it!

Happy SITS day.

Laura said...

Road trips are so fun. My MIL's house is so dark. I don't know how she stands it. (Yes, I'm divorced, but I didn't divorce his family, just him, so I still have a MIL.)

*jean* said...

OMG i almost just shot coffee all over my 'puter....TFS!

glenna said...

Thanks for the smile. Glad I found you thru SITS

Charmaine said...

Wow - those are some great billboards!

Kirsty said...

Hilariously hilarious! And that's a disturbing number of vasectomies no?

Found you through SITS, what a fun blog, I will be back!

mommytoalot said...

Stopping by from SITS..too funny.

Lacie E. said...

How funny! You totally deserve your FB day in the sun!!

Christine aka Mistress of Cakes said...

I had culture shock (we live in NY) when we went down to see my MIL in South Carolina. I almost started hypervenilating at the price of gas. Plus I love the big Peach water tower..that was great!

Mandy said...

Hahaha that's hilarious, who would have thought all those signs in the same area. And the air mattress, my husband and I would kill each other if we had to share one...just doesn't work...ever. :)

Brandie said...

The best is there is a billboard outside a itty bitty town in the Texas Panhandle that says Vasectomy reversal :)

Anti-Supermom said...

This is hilarious. Love that you included pictures!

Happy, saucy day~

Controlling My Chaos said...

Happy SITS Day.

I loathe visiting the MIL for these same reasons.

Love the signs.

Momma Miller said...

OH man! Totally cracking up at calculating vasectomies. That totally sounds like something hubby and I do. No alphabet game here. LOL

Congrats on being the FB. I've been here before and loved it again! Keep up the great bloggin, SITStah!

~Shaye (Momma Miller)

Reluctant Housewife said...

Aren't everybody's eyes different sizes? I think that's normal. No billboard for you. Sorry.

I love crazy billboards. Keeps driving long distances interesting. Thanks for sharing - you've got some great ones there.

Toni said...

omg those signs are hilarious, great story. Happy SITS day

Amy said...

The things you find when you are out on the road. Then you get to do it again. Have fun.

Stereos and Souffles said...

I live in Florida, great signage for sure.

Industrioushead said...

Hysterical! You gotta love family and road trips!

Double Dipped Sweets said...

awesome! Stopping by from SITS!

Hillori said...

I laughed so hard I scred the baby!!! Great post....

Evy said...

Haha, you made me laugh on several occasions! Specifically, I have to agree with you on the gas mask! I don't smoke and never have, and I truly detest the smoke, and when people smoke it makes me really sick. Now, a gas mask - that's a good solution!

Rachel said...

That is Florida, without a doubt!
LMAO @ VasTime

Marrdy said...

At least next time you will be prepared. I can tolerate most things but not smoking! AND 19,000 vasectomies? Holy Crap.

Anita said...

I live in FL, so yes I've seen the VAS guy and wondered, is this really where you want to meet the man that is going to mess with the Family jewels, I say no...LOL.
In TX, where my crazy family lives there are safe sex superstores everywhere with huge signs that scream "Condom World" my teen daughters took pictures......ofcourse!

Funny blog, stopping by from SITS

Funny in my mind said...

On the way to my families' home, there is a huge billboard for vasectomy reversals. Isn't it funny how we can't wait to get away to visit family and then we can't wait to get back home.

Lisa said...

There's nothing like a visit with family....

Whimsical Creations said...

OMG I am LMAO! Wiping tears from my eyes.

Rachel said...

Very funny. I like the billboards.

Tonya said...

That is too funny! I love your blog...very entertaining!

Fresh Mommy said...

Hahaha. Fun family trips! This was great. And isn't sleeping on an air mattress fun?!? LOL

Ashley said...

HAPPY SITS DAY!

Love the signs and the roadtrip recap. Nothing like visiting places other than home to get a 'different perspective'.
Hubs and I still sing a ridiculous Tractor Supply Commercial Song we heard on TV near the Louisiana border... ah, others.

Have a great one!

meghanwelch said...

Don't you just love family road trips? What funny signs!

Helene said...

This post was hilarious....esp the billboard by the vasectomy doctor. What a weird thing to advertise on a billboard, of all things!

BrnEyedGal said...

OMG!!! How funny with all the pics to boot! Great.
Gotta love the family visits!!!

MuseSwings said...

Bwahahaha! Welcome to Florida the land of the eclectic zoning. Hope you (cough) enjoyed your stay depite the carcinogenous environment and the "please pluck my eyes out" advertising. Congrats on your SITS shout out!

Denise said...

Happy SITS day! Dude is really busy with his reversals eh? LOL

I love visiting the fam too, but jeeze, when you are done with the gas mask may I borrow it? I promise to return it in time for FIL's bday lol.

Rachel said...

Too funny! Isn't it fun visiting the in laws?

Lora said...

Just don't come to TN...the cities are ok, but the rural area? I refuse to go!

Lea Ann said...

Visiting the in-laws is super fun, huh. Super. Super. Fun. Throw in 3 cats, sub zero temperatures, and boiled potatoes, and you've got MY in-laws house.

Angel said...

Now you know wy I left Tampa! Florida is a ftrannnnnggge state Lol
Just dropped in from SITS, great blog and post thank you!

christy rose said...

Very Funny! What a great way to capture the humor and memories of your trip.

Rachelle @ "Mommy? I'm Hungry!" said...

LOL, funny signs.

Happy SITS day!

Rbarakat said...

Funny girl! Happy sits day!

Karen said...

I think your relatives live in the same neighborhood as mine!

Seriously. I'm a California girl and going to visit the cousins in Missouri is a bit of a shock.

San said...

Oh man!!! What a hilarious, side-splitting entry! :)

hellosweetworld said...

Those are some crazy billboards for sure. Yikes!

Kathy B! said...

The drivr to Florida NEVER disappoints :)

Holly said...

Lets hope all 19,000 Vs took. What an awesome trip.

Tanielle said...

Too funny! Love the billboards!

Amy said...

Ha! If nothing else, you go great blog fodder from the trip :)

Days of Whine & Noses said...

too funny!

happy SITS day :)

Tara said...

LOL!!!!!!! you so came to the Tampa are right?? LOL!!! i pass by those signs all the time!!

Amber, That's Me! said...

What is it with older people and sitting in the dark! It is always so dark at my grandparents!

Always a Southern Girl said...

Too funny! Maybe old people want to sit in the dark, so they can't see that they are OLD! Just a thought! lol! Have a great day, loved this post.

MARGARITA BLOOM said...

Good grief, is that vasectomy billboard for REAL? LOL...

Destiny said...

Happy SITS day!

shortmama said...

Ah the vas-man! What a marketing tool, come to me with your twins--I have a billboard after all!

Taryn said...

This is absolutely HILARIOUS! I love it!!!

Thanks for the laughs!!!

Love,
Taryn

Aubrey said...

Nothing say a good time like all of the above! lol

Mya said...

Oh the funnies!

RamblingMother said...

ongrats on your sits day.

PaperCourt said...

What an awesome trip. I've been to Waldo, FL!

Michelle said...

Oh my! I might invite them to my house before enduring that again. and that's easy enough to get out of when you have five kids.

Mama Kat said...

Thanks for this post! Very informative...I'll pass that number on to my husband and whisper softly in his ear: It's vas time babe.

MommyAmy said...

LOL...

Sadly, your in-laws sound a lot like my dad's side of the family. Smokin' n' drinkin' and wondering why their lives are always a mess. Hmmm... maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're married to a crack whore and have 17 children with her? Ya think?!? I swear, some people must really love drama in order to put up with that kinda crap.

Stopping by from SITS! Your blog is hilarious!

Margaret said...

Great signs.

Anne said...

LOL that's hilarious - I love driving through Waldo - did you see the big outdoor flea market? :)

Shalee- Be Speechless said...

Haha the googly eyed man that is great! haha

Happy SITS day

Chandy said...

Where's the You Tube version? LOL Hollywood might call and have Kelly Pickler be you! LOL Funny post!

Tamela said...

haha what a great pictures! The googly eyed man scares me!

Goldibug said...

LoL! I'd be wanting a gas mask if I had to sit around that many smokers at one time too!

Willo said...

Hilarious! The vasectomy thing is awesome!

*Megan* said...

Hi, stopping buy from SITS. Loved the post about billboards. I love 'em. Especially the lovely South of the Border ones that seems to overrun NC/SC!

Leslie said...

Wow, now that's quite a trip!

Sera said...

Happy SITS day! This post is hysterical. I love it!

jubilee said...

That's the funniest bit of randomness I've read in quite a while!

Nana said...

Good times. I remember sitting around grandma's kitchen table, everyone smoking. The air so thick we couldn't see each other.... memories.

Congrats on your big day!!

Bethany said...

Oh my gosh...well, at least your visits are memorable! ;)

Jessica said...

Wish I could have been there! Sounded like lotsa fun!!

Shannon said...

That googly-eyed billboard... AWESOME.

Hope you enjoyed your SITS day!

Rachael said...

Hilarious! I love that there is a website called www.vasweb.com. That is hilarious!

Angie Marion said...

You're hilarious!!! I'm actually trained to wear a gas mask so if you need help, just call me!

I am stopping by from SiTS but I couldn't make it yesterday.

Divine Mrs D said...

Coming from SITS. I LOVE YOUR BLOG. My husband and I love to take road trips and take pictures of random signs and such. Beautiful.

Lissa K said...

Here to say hi from SITS!! Funny post!! It's always really, really wonderful to get home, isn't it? There's NO place like home...

Leann said...

Thanks for the laugh!

natalie said...

Which eye is looking at me?!

The vas-time guy? I think I peed my pants a little laughing about that!

Kim said...

LOL, this was too funny!

Gamma Sharon said...

Just to funny!
Again Congrats on being the FB.

CD Yates said...

I wonder if Googly-Eyes Man went to Dr. Vasectomy? Maybe that's why his eyes are like that?

How can a vasectomy be performed without needles or a knife, anyway? What does he do? Do I want to know? Or is this one of those things best left unexplored?

Oh, the thinks we can think.

Thanks for the giggles. I needed 'em.

More Than A Mom said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who experiences being uncomfortable (physically) at the in-laws. Love the post!

Happy SITS day.

Composing Hallelujahs said...

too funny.

we just spent a long weekend in florida and i don't remember any of those signs... bummer ;)

Mandy said...

LOL

Michelle said...

Oh how not fun. I would so not be able to do that. Starting with the smoking. The billboards and such at least make it entertaining! Good luck with that next visit....

Angie's Spot said...

The vasectomy billboard is classic hilarity! And I know what you're talking about with the whole gas mask thing. I need to get some for every member of my family when we make the unfortunate visit to my MIL's house. Bleh. I'm visiting from SITS!

Brenda Jean said...

Stopping by from SITS. BAHAHAHAHAHA I can SO relate. My dad did stop smoking so that is much better, but my Sister in Law still is and I leave her house with my eyes hurting and weepy, it's so dang smokey.

Love all the billboards!

Tranquility said...

Haha! Love the googly eyes. Maybe Dad's birthday gift should be lightbulbs... or a prepaid month of electricity (for the month of your visit, of course).

i am the diva said...

lol, this post was HIGH-larious...
VAS TIME!!

K a b l o o e y said...

"Of Cheap Gas, Night Vision Goggles, Tattoos and Vasectomies- oh my!" Hey, wasn't that the original dialogue from that scene? I mean, Judy Garland surely had a few blackout-fueled nights...

The post was terrific. Do the in-laws give directions like that: "Hang a looey at the Porn Store... it's just after the VAS TIME, googly-eye guy"?

Very funny.

tubal reversal said...

This does not surprise me with the laws. I know of a state where a couple wanted to have IVF treatments to have a child due to a previous tubal ligation and the physicians would not do it because the couple was not married. Which the woman ended up having tubal reversal surgery performed at mubabydoc Tubal Reversal Center which was outside of the couples home state. Not only was it cheaper but the pregnancy success is much better.
There are people that change their minds but they should be the ones to make the decisions and not the government.
I would start by asking the physician if there is anyone else he/she can suggest to contact. If this does not work then I would be searching quite a bit. The answer is out there somewhere.
The suggestion are highly appreciated
www.mybabydoc.com

tubal reversal said...

This does not surprise me with the laws. I know of a state where a couple wanted to have IVF treatments to have a child due to a previous tubal ligation and the physicians would not do it because the couple was not married. Which the woman ended up having tubal reversal surgery performed at mubabydoc Tubal Reversal Center which was outside of the couples home state. Not only was it cheaper but the pregnancy success is much better.
There are people that change their minds but they should be the ones to make the decisions and not the government.
I would start by asking the physician if there is anyone else he/she can suggest to contact. If this does not work then I would be searching quite a bit. The answer is out there somewhere.
The suggestion are highly appreciated
www.mybabydoc.com

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