Monday, December 22, 2008

Couples Conundrum



photo credit Kevin Collins

Now that I no longer have the "commode conundrum" post on my blog, I figured it would be a good time to add a new "conundrum" and luckily for me, one came along just at the right time.

Here's the thing: MB spoke with my MIL on Saturday, and before hanging up, happened to mention that he and VC were going to visit my BIL and family to see the Christmas lights at a park near his home and hang out the rest of the day. The BIL and family live about an hour from here. I, being a Christmas lights Grinch, decided I'd stay home and use the valuable time to Twitter instead; well, only part of the time, the rest would be spent mopping and shopping for last minute gifts. "Mopping and shopping" you can't plan posts like this!

Here's where the conundrum comes in. As he was hanging up, my MIL asked him if I would be going along with him and VC to visit the relatives. This may sound like an "innocent" question and maybe it was. However, this has been a point of contention ever since I wanted to skip a rehearsal dinner at the in-laws house (no. I was not in the wedding party) and visit a friend in NYC who I hadn't seen in years instead. This was the only free night we'd be in town - 11 hours away from our home. I was lectured in a phone call from my MIL, that "couples must do things together." So, newly married, I put my tail between my legs, sucked it up and went to the rehearsal dinner to please the MIL. And, as you can see, I got over it quickly and moved on -- lol!

I find it interesting that my whereabouts are still being tracked these 16 years later.

MB and I frequently go to events separately. Frankly, I don't find it that odd. We are not joined at the hip and we get along best this way.

What do you think? Are you part of a couple who does things independently? Has your independence been met with raised eyebrows from family members?

Enquiring minds want to know..



carma

8 comments:

Mad Asthmatic said...

you're married to him not joined at the hip. I think couples can do things on their own. They don't become one person just because they are married, so why should they have to do everything together!!! Time apart is a good thing it gives each person a chance to have their own interests and retain their independence - if that makes sense.

MA

carma said...

Absolutely! And our interests are very divergent so it works for us :)

Karen said...

You have to do things together -- and apart -- for a healthy balance. Tell your mother-in-law to mind her own business!

carma said...

Karen-
I would -- only I'm *scared* :(

Seth said...

We write on different ends of a wedding but many of the topics stay the same!

You've made it 16 years without telling the MIL off...seems like it'd be time to either take care of business or bury it.

Best to you in your conundrum!

Seth

carma said...

Hi Seth,
So you did make it by! Awesome and true to your Tweet. Thanks for your perspective on the topic from the other end of the spectrum..
carma

Lola Goetz said...

Just smile, say thank you, and do what you wanted to anyway. :)

Hubby & I do things separately and together. Depends on what it is and what we feel like. I don't think you should do everything separately, nor do I think you should be joined at the hip. Balance in all things, right?

carma said...

Hi Lola,

Thanks for visiting and commenting. Yep, I've gotta learn to smile and then do my own thing!

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